Dita Von Teese, Karl Lagerfeld, Victoria Beckham and Claudia Schiffer at the Chanel Spring/Summer ‘08 show, Paris.
Victoria: Thank God I’m the skinniest one in this photo.
Karl: Barely, darling. And only because I am wearing these gloves. These gloves, they make me look five, maybe fifty pounds heavier. Without them, I am light as a feather. You must believe this: I am air floating on a chiffon maxi length bias cut of starvation.
Dita: These levels of natural light are extremely disturbing. Can we get to our seats?
Claudia: I’m so happy to still be relevant. What was I worried about? Of course Karl was going to call me back, eventually. It’s all about perseverance. If it takes 450 calls in the space of three days, so be it.
Dita: *sigh* I am so much better than this.
Victoria: Dits, babe? No one is better than Chanel. It’s factual. Deal.
Karl: Oh, she is feeling, how you say, miffed that I did not ask her to do my catwalk this year. But I have to think of my clientele, none of whom aspire to look like a transparent 1950s vampiress. And this is not to say I do not adore the style of the transparent, translucent, Transylvania glamour. J’adore! But this aversion to the sun and tanning, I cannot deal with. Nor should I have to. For me, it is disgusting.
Claudia: Is that Naomi over there? Hey girl! Long time! Oh… I guess she didn’t see me.
Victoria: Karl, you promised no supermodels in my photo call. What the hell is she doing here? She used to date David bloody Copperfield.
Dita: And, she smells like carbs to me.
Karl: Victoria, Dita, stop. Fashion is a world of contradictions, embellishments and couture fabrics woven by starving school children in far away lands I can’t be bothered to look up on a map. It is one where we embrace the differences and bring together the tweeds and the silks, the satins and the suedes…
Victoria: Are you saying I’m a tweed? Just because I’m from England doesn’t make me tweed, Karl. I want to be silk. Or at least a rayon blend.
Karl: I never said you were a tweed. Did I say those words, Victoria, you are a tweed? No. I did not.
Claudia: Linda Evangelista! Over here! Hey! Yoo hoo! Look at this pose – I’ve still got it bitches.
All: God, I would kill for a cheeseburger.