“A lot of the houses I looked at were really garish – lots of gold, all very Versace. Believe it or not David and I do have good taste. I like everything to be simple and plain.”
We’re going to hazard a wild guess that of all people you don’t want to make enemies with, it’s Donatella Versace. She’ll slap the fake tan off you faster than you can say ‘St. Tropez spray’.
photo: WENN
It’s being labeled as the “Northern Chavvy” by hairstylists in London not too keen on Coleen McLoughlin’s new Skunktail Statement for hair.
Upon exiting her local hair salon in Liverpool, Coleen discovered she’d been given a parking ticket.
Insert your own ‘it was a ticket for fashion crimes against humanity’ line here.
Side Note: Anyone else heard about the nickname given to Coleen’s loyal crew of hangers-on in cheap dresses? “The Ugly Sisters” Ouch.
Melanie Slade is in Closer magazine this week looking nicely Stepford Wives with Twiglets for Arms Robotomatic Dolly.
If you want to download and read the Deadline magazine section of Closer, click here.
Deadline is part of a reality tv series that we really wish we cared about but the weather is nice, work is kicking our asses and c’mon, we have a thigh competition to judge.
—
Coleen is launching a “luxurious but affordable” brand, called “Coleen”. This summer we’ll be treated to her first perfume, possibly titled: “I’m Rich, Bitches!“ or “How To Create A Whole ‘Lotta Sumpthin’ Out of Nothin’”.
In other Col news, her first television show (she’s contracted with ITV to do reality-based programming around her life until 2009) is going to be gracing UK screens soon – it’s all about Coleen grooming a group of aspiring models with grooming tips while she zzzzzzzz…. Link: Coleen McLoughlin’s Beauty Line
—
Closer also makes a compelling photographic example that Joe Cole’s lady, Carly Zucker, has lost the badunk from her trunk and is getting too skinny.
Forget that. Our question: Is there ever a time, a moment, a place, that Carly Zucker doesn’t have her midriff uncovered?
We’re down with a little midriff, but this is like 80s Let’s Get Physical 20 Minute Workout Style midriff. In fact, it’s not a midriff, it’s a ribriff.
—
David has shaved his hair off. Rapidly changing hairstyles as a sign of an unstable marriage and the need to move in with the editor of Kickette: Discuss.
We can all rest easier, take that vacation, and just exhale, now that the Beckhams have found a house in LA.
Victoria flew into LAX on Saturday to take care of business and sign the contracts. Question: couldn’t they just have the paperwork faxed over? Did she have to fly to LA in a nippletastic outfit? Perhaps that was included in the contract terms.
The house costs between £10 -£15 million and was described as “modern, airy, very light and spacious with lots of windows,” by a source close to the Beckhams. Let us state for the record that we sincerely hope no one paid that source for this useless piece of information. Isn’t that description fairly gosh durn obvious?
Perhaps if that wasn’t put on record, many innocent people would be concerned that the Beckhams would choose a hovel with no windows and an outdoor loo as their place of residence in LA.
If anyone would like to hire us for some expert insider quotes, please take this one as an example of our skillset: The Beckhams bought a house they really like. It is big.”
“I became obsessed with what I looked like…
I would look in the mirror and check the size of my bottom, see if my double chin was getting smaller.
I began living on vegetables and nothing else. But it never occurred to me that I had an eating disorder.“
Share