'Fashion' Category

Coleen McLoughlin’s 21st: Chavtastic Fantastic

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imageColeen McLoughlin’s 21st birthday party was a special, special night.  It was an evening for all chavs, D-list celebrities and hangers on to break out in their best party frocks and revel in a haze of Malibu & Coke, taffeta dresses and bouffant hair-dos.

Here’s the bulleted breakdown of events:

- Arriving guests were greeted by a wide variety of over-paid freaks and geeks, including jugglers and stilt walkers dressed as Cruella De Vil from 101 Dalmatians.  There were large circus tent marquees and fun fair rides.  Ten huge photos of Coleen hung from the ceiling, decorated with fluorescent butterflies.

- Jealous yet?

- Coleen provided buses as transport for her friends and family to get to the party. 

- Celebrity guests were driven in Audis.

- No comment on how pissed we would be if we were blood-related and had to watch Abi Clancy flash her knickers getting out of an Audi from the window of the polyester-seated coach we were shunted on.

- Contrary to insane rumours of Diddy performing at the party, the music was provided by the Sugababes.

- At the end of the party, guests were given individual sugar cakes with Coleen’s face imprinted on them. 

- Good thing Victoria Beckham wasn’t there, as we’re quite sure she doesn’t eat cake.  And definitely not cake with Coleen’s smiling mug on it.

- Side note: the image of Coleen is the same one from the cover of her book, Welcome To My World.

- Speaking of Victoria, she – along with many other invited A-listers – snubbed the party, instead hitting the slopes in a Chanel ski suit.

image- Let’s run through the list of no-shows, shall we?  Sienna Miller, Elen Rives and Frank Lampard, David and Victoria Beckham, Ashley and Cheryl Cole – even Atomic Kitten didn’t come.

- When the day comes that Atomic Kitten turn down your invitations, it’s time to find a nice cottage in the country and start a new life rearing sheep and knitting woolly jumpers.

- There were a few decent guests, other than the circus performers: Leo Ferdinand, Cristiano Ronaldo, Alex Curran and Steven Gerrard, Michael and Louise Owen.
- The real star guests were the relations.  For example, Coleen’s cousin Carly and Wayne Rooney’s brother Graham (Graeme?) (Anyone?) (Bueller?) came together.  They’re like a poor man’s Coleen and Wayne.  Well, more like a random crackhead’s Coleen and Wayne, but let’s not split hairs.

- The vintage champers was left untouched, but the Bacardi Breezers and lager tops went down a treat.  By 4am, 99% of the guests were drunk off their asses and falling down.  And then getting up.  And falling down again.

- Wayne Rooney, part of the drunken falling down crew was announcing to all who would listen how much he loved Coleen and how amazing she looked. 

- A few of Coleen’s boozed up mates decided to flash their breasts at random guests, and there was a catfight/punch up on the dancefloor.  Presumably between rival breast-flashers, but we can’t confirm this.

image: wireimage
image- Let us not forget, at Coleen’s 18th birthday bash, Wayne’s uncle Eugene – a former boxer – got in a fight with Wayne’s father. 
You can’t make this kind of ish up, good people.

- Coleen wore Amanda Wakely and rights to the photos were sold to Hello! Magazine.

The Why Files: David Beckham’s Hair

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source: gossiprocks
image @ the Sport Industry Awards

It’s a sad, dark, and darkly sad day when Victoria Beckham looks better than her husband in a photo. 

Especially when the reason she looks better than her husband is not because she has some kind of fierce diamond ring or a cute accessory on her arm (like Romeo Beckham, for example), but because David has decided to cut his hair into a style one can only describe as that of a crazed and lonely shed worker buying lotto tickets on his break sort of hairdo.

We respect a man’s need to express himself creatively. Most of the time. (Looking at you, David James.)  Lord knows we’ve been 100% down for David’s styling choices over the years – the mohawk, the cornrows… even the cornrows didn’t shake us.  Perhaps, like all major catastrophe’s on a global scale, we’re still in shock and need to rest, recover and eat bon bons before we can fully deal.

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Link: Becks Gets a New Haircut

Non-News: Victoria and David Do Dinner

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image: matrix
imageDavid and Victoria Beckham were out in London last night chowing down at Scotts in Mayfair.  They were having dinner with their friend and celebrity chef bigmouth-curse-alot Gordon Ramsey.

The bare bones of this non-newsworthy situ?

- Victoria wore Christopher Kane and looked like a trollop. (Mr. Kane sent her his entire Spring/Summer 07 collection).

- David looked mighty fine with a good pair of shoes

- David, whilst looking mighty fine and wearing good footwear, got annoyed with Victoria and her posing for the paparazzi, was a little huffy, but kept his mouth shut, and eventually they entered the restaurant.

Link: Posh’s Fashion Errors, Sky News

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Beck Talk: Takin’ It To The Streets

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David Beckham’s new ad campaign for Adidas, coinciding with the “Brand Beckham launch” in America, is getting some stick for being too street, too rapper, too Eminem.

Not by us, mind you.  We’d like to point out David has always dressed like a b-boy, so let’s not get our knickers in a twist over nothing.  It would serve us no use and only detract from his fine looks. 

And, lest we forget, in 2003 David was awarded the title,  “The Blackest Man in Britain”, so calling him Eminem really isn’t technically correct.  Link: Black Like Beckham

Link: Look It’s David Beck-Eminem
Link: Adidas Official Site

WAG Watch: Elen Rives Shops, Still Pregnant

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Photos: Big and Rex.

Kickettes, a question.  If you were rolling through the streets at this stage of pregnancy, would you have the strength to get off the sofa, let alone hit Kings Road for a shopping spree?

Hmm, well, perhaps we would drag our behinds out of the private car, buy half a dozen pairs of shoes and then make the driver come in and help us carry them all out to the car.

Because 1. he’s a driver, which is synonymous with servant; 2. We’re pregnant.  And we have many shoes.  So help us carry the shopping and then drive us to our hair appointment. We still have two and a half months to go -  let’s try and stay mates.