'France' Category

The Five Tests Of Titillation: Bafetimbi Gomis, French NT

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The ‘Sex Face’. With additional looming? It’s a strong start from Bafe. Image: BERTRAND GUAY/AFP/Getty Images.

Aside from a perfunctory nod in the Weekend Results and the occasional photo of Yoann Gourcuff, Ligue 1 tends to remain somewhat ‘off-piste’ for us. But that doesn’t mean we’re not constantly monitoring the newswires (Editor’s note: yes it does) for images of players exhibiting what we like to call ‘The Five Tests of Titillation’: namely those poses that we can wilfully misinterpret as an effort by a player to appear on these pages.

Today we apply our expertise in the area to Bafetimbi Gomis, who plays upfront for Lyon and the French NT. Join us, Kickettes, and help us judge whether his efforts make him worthy of inclusion in our ‘Secret Photo Files For Special Moments’ drawer.

Well, it’s more of a room, actually.

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Holistic Halasana: Yohann Cabaye, France

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Oh the plough pose – that’s one of our favourite yoga positions!

Lost & Found: Yoann Gourcuff

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Image Credit: Olweb.Fr.

Our dearest Yoann became a little too lowkey for our liking right around the start of this year’s season, leaving us nothing to work with. At least editorially speaking, that is.

And actually, as we think back, Yo’s presence (or lack there of) was notably absent during the entire ‘ballers on breaks off season. We and his colleagues find this morally confusing and against all logic or common sense.

But whatever, we’re just glad to have our Lashes back and intact.  He looks very much alive, well and in the skipping zone, doesn’t he Kickettes?

Practically Pornographic: Karim Benzema

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We. Just. Kant.

And is that a Nelly song playing in the background?

We. Just. Kant.

 

Midweek Results: Planking & Pointing

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The Republic of Ireland side briefly lost concentration during their 0-0 draw with Russia when an image of Robbie Savage in his ‘Strictly’ costume appeared on the stadium JumboTron. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

With normal league fixtures resuming at the weekend, now is your last opportunity until er… October to vent spleen at your international side’s performances. Or short tents. Or newly birthed facial fuzz.

Whatever you like, really.

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