'France' Category

Karim Benzema: Rap Stud or Dud?

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Image: ParolesdeFoot.com.

In every young, talented footballer’s tenure, there are smart career moves, and then there are the occasional “WTF” moments. In the case of Karim Benzema’s newest venture – rapping on a new French track, “Fais moi la passe”/”Let me pass” – this is undoubtedly the latter.

Never mind that Rohff, the man responsible for this meeting of the minds, says the Real Madrid footballer, “raps like a God!” – it’s clear that Benzema is no Mario Gomez with his guitar strings. If you consider yourself any bit of musically-inclined, then you’ll quickly realise, too, that despite all the auto-tuned bells and game-spitting whistles his alibi ballad offers, he shouldn’t be quick to quit his day job.

After all, isn’t that sort-of in limbo anyway?

Will our ever-discriminatory readers be so kind as to subject your eardrums to this before thumbs-upping or downing each others’ thoughts in the comments below? Consider it your duty, Kickettes – something that is owed to the tone deaf mocked before him.

The Big Grapple: Cantona Hits NYC

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Image via newyorkcosmos.com

Oh, there will be barbed comments, flying karate kicks, illegal ball handling and an unhealthy interest in seabirds in New York City soon, people. No, the Kickette staff are not heading to NY for another ‘brainstorming while drunk’ session, although the above descriptors can and do apply.

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Snow Day Salutations: Yoann Gourcuff, Bordeaux

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Spotted on our Facebook page. Perhaps this is reason to check it out more often?

To give your inclement weather spirits a little pick-me-up, why not listen to the foreign language stylings of Yoann Gourcuff?

Seems that due to the snow in France, he and his teammates experienced some hardships whilst en route to training. Don’t panic – his mascara is all natural so there’s no smudging in his lash game.

In the above vid, Mr. G explains how he kept busy during the 1 hour commute from Bordeaux city center to Le Haillan, where the training ground is located.  As he recounts an earlier car accident, which required police assistance,  Gourcuff admits his delight (and subsequent gigglefest we imagine) as the policemen slipped and fell.

Naughty boy, Yoann.

We approve.

Kickette Fail Files: Franck Ribery, Bayern Munich

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A bit of a quandary for us today. While perusing the day’s images for inclusion in one of our many popular categories, a highly disturbed Kickette intern’s scream alerted us to the presence of this disturbing sight – Franck Ribery and his pants. (Image via bild)

She is now undergoing treatment for post traumatic stress disorder, but the rest of us hardened bishes have no time for such frivolity. Where does this image belong? Is it evidence for the prosecution in a FAIL FILE case? Is it a plea for clemency in a Dressed At Gunpoint post? Should it be tied to a stake and burned?

Much confusion abounded, but eventually our bravest staffer donned a hazmat suit, grabbed said photo with a pair of tongs and asserted that such undergarments deserved no mitigating circumstances. The Kickette Army will not tolerate such undergarment offences. Spurred on by her passion, we made a decision.

Soz, Franck. It’s a FAIL FILE for you.

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Midweek Results: International Friendlies & Funsies

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Tim Cahill’s despair is our deepest joy, sadly. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Midweek international friendlies. From what we can gather, these games serve no useful purpose from a sporting perspective but provide us with the opportunity to perv on players while they’re wearing different coloured jerseys. For this reason, and this reason alone, we at Kickette applaud the international friendly and will campaign for its continued presence in the footballing calendar. Please enjoy our highlights in the meantime.

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