'France' Category

International Friendly Results: Fearing For The Future?


Denmark to beat Brazil. Then this happened. Image: JOHANNES EISELE/AFP/GettyImages.

Judging from some of the upsets the big boys experienced over the weekend, Euro 2012 could well be won by a late entrant – i.e. three Kickette staffers, two of their pets and a cab driver from London named Steve.


The Midweek Mmm: Karim Benzema, Real Madrid


Image: @adidasfootball.

Question: We can see why adidas were keen to nail Karim down to another contract, but how much *more* fun would it have been had they tied him down to our bedposts instead?

Answer: Tons.

Euro 2012 NT Announcements: Varying Degrees Of Importance


Gareth Barry and James Milner were on the golf course in Spain when they got the England squad selection news. Fitting. Image: Warren Little/Getty Images.

Three weeks before kick off, we were starting to get a little panicky about our coverage strategy for England at EURO 2012. John Terry’s recent transgressions, plus questions over his ability to play alongside Rio Ferdinand in central defence raised the possibility of the ex-captain not making the squad altogether. That would’ve seriously impeded our ability to snark over any divisions that *may* occur during the tournament, ya know what we mean?

Then this morning came and Roy Hodgson decided to include JT in his squad and omit Rio. Thus, our strategy is safe.

We seem to be the only people this works for, though. #Hodgsonout was trending on Twitter within twenty minutes of the announcement.


Bacary Sagna: Broken Bones & Dreams


Bacary Sagna broke his leg on Saturday and will miss out on France’s Euro 2012 campaign this summer. He’s also accused Norwich City’s Bradley Johnson of deliberately injuring him by stepping on his leg, which caused him to go to the ground unchallenged near the 33rd minute mark.

What we want to be reporting on is how his abs are coping with this news. If anyone sees them, please send our regards.

Coupe De France: Who The Ruddy Hell Are Quevilly?


Quevilly defender Cedric Vanoukia. Kind of like Pepe, only less likely to be the victim of a practical joke involving Kaka. Image: BERTRAND LANGLOIS/AFP/GettyImages.

The reason you’ve never heard of Quevilly is because they’re from the third tier of French football. Your favourite fluffy football web resource never delves that deeply into the murky depths – our manicurists hate us enough as it is – so we’ve managed to overlook the existence of this club for as long as humanly possible.

Unfortunately, now our laziness has backfired in our faces and Quevilly have rather inconveniently beaten off all comers to make it through to the final of France’s premier football cup competition. Which means we’re practically obliged to throw a sultry pout in their direction.

They better have something worth staring at.