'Frank Lampard' Category

Nicklas Bendtner: Layered In London


In case you didn’t know, dear readers, Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner is a man with many layers. Single dimension persona he is not.

- There’s the familiar (and often referenced round these parts) “pantsless” layer;
- The “he’s so damn heighty and we love it” layer; and
- The all-important “dating a Baroness and having a baby” layer.

We’re now pleased to add a new, good old-fashioned, “looking bad ass with full street swagger whilst walking in Chelsea” layer. (You’ll be familiar with one of our favourites for this layer, Frank Lampard.)

If only we could get Bendy to the “Removing Kickette restraining orders” layer, all would be as it should be. Here’s hoping.

Player Punishment: Let Us Handle This


News breaks of Didier’s punishment. He seems concerned, Kickettes. Images: Getty Images, Reuters via Daylife

Far be it from us to make light of an awful situation, but last week’s news that North Korea’s NT coach and players have been punished for the team’s poor performance at the World Cup got us thinking.

While these part-timers put their hearts and souls into every game, even scoring a cheeky goal against Brazil, we want to address several of the footy world’s greatest, many of which didn’t live up to their expensive reps during this year’s tournament.

Therefore, we have invented a series of cruel and unusual punishments, devilishly designed to hit a randomly selected player exactly where it hurts the most.

Think you can just show up and pass the time lads? We’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget…

Didier Drogba

OK, first up we’ll admit that the Drog’s injury prior to the tournament *may* have impeded his ability to set the WC on fire. But if we were fair and reasonable, this post would not make any sense at all.


Dapper Demi-Gods: Dolce & Gabbana To Outfit Chelsea FC, Do Away with Frank’s Denim


File photo of our favourite Lampsy denim mishaps.

As we mentioned on Twitter yesterday (seriously? you still haven’t hopped that bandwagon?) – Italian fashion design duo, Dolce & Gabbana announced details of their recently penned 3 year deal to outfit London-based Chelsea FC in a variety of fashionable Stamford Bridge-home and Movida/Chinawhite-away kits.

Designed by footballer-friendly Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana themselves, the same team that dresses David Beckham, AC Milan in addition to a star-studded Hollywood entourage of supporters, there’s two looks you should care about most:

A) Exclusive, dark blue three-piece travel suits

B) A pair of five-pocket, blue denim jeans with a button-down blue poplin ‘Martini’ shirt, and black calfskin trainers (Ed Note: if there’s one thing this batch of historically bad behaving ‘ballers DON’T need, it’s clothes named after their cocktails).


Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet


Chelsea FC to Liverpool FC


Liverpool's Joe Cole family- It’s nice to see the London born-and-bred Joe and Carly Cole getting accustomed to their Liverpudlian surroundings. While Joe was seen wandering in John Lewis between lunching with his family and returning on his own to their hotel-away-from-home, Mrs. Cole went shopping for home decor at Zara Home and M&S Homes. Let’s see how Ruby Cole adjusts to the nappy modelling spotlight. [Image left via OK! Magazine]

- Jermain Defoe and Chatelle Houghton – again?  How… lovely.

- Cheryl  Cole won the weekend’s best news award: all signs point to her returning to work this week!


Sorting Out The England Squad: We’ve Sussed It


Steven Gerrard tries to persuade Jermain Defoe that there is not a ‘big, scary monster’ in the penalty area. Images: Getty Images, AP Photo & Reuters via Daylife & Photo Agency via Zimbio.

Recently, we notified you of an ongoing problem in our office – that of the photo interloper. To summarise, an individual and/or item that ruins an otherwise perfectly wonderful shot and therefore our day.

As regular readers will have realised, knowing when to leave something alone is not one of our strong points, so we have expanded this idea to incorporate possible items/things/people that we feel may have slightly disrupted England’s World Cup campaign and should therefore be immediately and arbitrarily removed from the space time continuum to ensure future success.

Our logic? We feel this is a far more appropriate response to the whole crazymaking situation than our first instinct. Which was to pack up and open a cookie store.