Let’s ignore the obvious discussion for a second. Try and stay with us.
Top story of the day just might belong to Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley, who have joined holiday forces with the Jamie and Louise Redknapp in Costa Smeralda, Sardinia. (Staying at Hotel Cala Di Volpe, a village-themed resort designed by Aga Khan situated in the Porto Cervo bay, the Redknapps are loyal customers of the accommodations ever since their first stint at the resort two years ago.)
Adding insult to we’re-so-sad-we’re-not-there injury, we are hoping for a feisty brawl between the boys each morning as Frank and Jamie (who are first cousins, in case newbies didn’t know) attempt to pry lounge chairs from the likes of Marco Borriello. Just this past Sunday, Marco was seen sidecheek kissing an unidentified blond (who is labeled by the photo agency as “a friend”).
If your pockets are as deep as a footballer or WAG, then you’ll want to stay where the footy folk do, so do book with the favoured five star luxury resort. It’s also popular amongst celebrities such as Liz Hurley, Cristiano Ronaldo, Carla Bruni, Kiko Macheda and Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancy. If you act fast, you can get 30 per cent off your next seven-day stay in one of their lowest grade rooms – which will set you back about €1,549.29. Deal.
Back to the obvious. Frank and Christine are full on making out in public. We denied the ring, and the crazy-face grins, but this…? We surrender. You win, Christine. You win, girl.
Image via AP Photo
As you can see, Lampsy is not best pleased with the delay in sending our birthday wishes for his 32nd year gracing the earth. He cares not of day jobs, hangovers, or Blackberry batteries that were never charged due to organizational issues and/or memory failure due to alcohol consumption. He just wants his birthday snaps.
So Frankie, we wish you all the best on this big day (which was actually yesterday). We applaud your ballsy and profesh handling of the press conference today. We bow down to your short shorts and thunder thighs. We believe, oh yes we do.
Have a good one, lovely!
It’s technically after hours at Kickette HQ and a lot has fallen to the wayside since we accidentally started drinking ahead of normal public scrutiny hours. Since our next top 5 World Cup National Team hotties list for today is way late, a caption contest is all we can offer. Pick your favourite or make up your own. Enjoy!
Tired of conjuring up the same old boring head-pictorial to keep you interested in the aesthetically-displeasing mortal you’re stuck snogging? Say hello to your new mental makeout decoy: Frank Lampard’s Crotch. You can thank us afterwards.
Caption #2. (to be said by Ant & Dec or in an Ant & Dec-like voice)
Please give a warm welcome to England’s new vice captain’s vice captains!
Caption # 3.
Anything we will attempt to say about the above money shot will come across as too try-hard. Lamps is dead sexy. End of story.
A freeze frame/pause button is so necessary right now.
Captions #5 – 10 due to word count.
An invitation to Frank Lampard’s nethers is sort of like a members-only online sample sale.
Fashionistas worldwide anxiously watch the hands tick on the clock at extremely odd hours of the day while simultaneously hitting “refresh” with paranoid anticipation. Then, the internet Gods unlock the shopping gates and everyone and their Mum has exactly 1 hour to raid the crap out of the joint before leaving behind articles of clothing in sizes only Barbie can wear. Most girls finish the fiasco empty-handed and sadfaced.
Kickettes, on the other hand, are a much smarter bunch. We just short-cut the whole stressful situ and try our luck at the five finger discount. And today, and for one day only, his site’s firewall has been accidentally left wide open. Every woman for herself!
- We spent some time comparing and contrasting PUMA’s “Journey of Football” with Nike’s “Write The Future” viral. Which do you prefer? Spotted on Unprofessional Foul.
- Just so we’re clear, his name is Luka Modric and he can’t pose for sh*te.
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s agent ain’t having afternoon tea with Pep Guardiola anytime soon. He said the Barcelona head coach should “go to a mental hospital” if he considers selling Ibra after only one season of club service.
- Samuel Eto’o has hinted at the possibility of quitting his NT after fellow countryman and revered striker, Milla, criticized his efforts/lack of trophies for Cameroon. Eto’o is also now playing the “we’ll see” guessing game over his club of choice next season.
- Frank Lampard admitted he would consider a move to the MLS once he’s past his EPL prime.
We’re all over the World Cup-related goodies that have been coming our way in the countdown to kick-off (t-minus 14 days, for those counting).
Not sure we can ever top products like Sylvie van der Vaart in her Dutchy dress, but this is the closest we’ll probably get.
Without sounding like a late-night infomercial, have you and your mate ever fantasized about England-themed sexytimes? If so, you’re in luck because the folks at LoveHoney have created the Scoregasm England Remote Control Love Egg, which promises to make you “feel like you’ve won the Cup”. (Frank Lampard not included.)
That’s right: using a vibrator is now considered an acceptable way to be supportive of the England squad.
Using the same life-changing social science that we at Kickette like to pride ourselves on, LoveHoney have also conducted their own version of “Snog, Marry and Avoid”, (just like our own Kickette Army did last year). The LH results? Joe Cole came up top in the snogging stakes, Stevie G. was voted best marriage material, and a huge 73% of ladies wouldn’t touch Ashley Cole with a long, sharp pointy thing.
We’re not entirely comfortable inquiring about our readers’ purchase intents, but we’re always down for a rousing game of National Team Snog, Marry and Avoid. Which three NT members (of any country) make your list?