The Euro 2012 Group O’ Death action soldiered on Wednesday and here’s our two cents about it:
Denmark: So, we know next to nothing about this team. Except that Bendy wore green pants that we’ve never seen before. We thought we’d seen all of his pants, so we’ll go with that.
Portugal: Some of the players need several soft-bristle brushes and a good conditioner to properly prep for game days. An excess of testosterone bodes well in footy matches, but when Ronaldo doesn’t have the energy or desire to whore out his body, you know he’s had a bad day.
Netherlands: Wesley Sneijder’s torso. And that tattoo. Oranje fans have suffered with this enough but Ibrahim Afellay is so refreshingly cute, he makes us want to skip through meadows and wear petticoats.
Germany: Well, they had this loveliness up front. Also up front, Mats Hummels. We assumed teams only needed one muscle-bound, vein-bulging footballer to win a game. So, congrats on that.
Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images Europe.
We would desperately like to write a witty quip to accompany this image, but feel Sergio’s range of hair and facial expressions in this gallery gives more than any words could ever say.
European footy WAGs must not have the energy to even pretend to give a shite about their partners’ group stage games since only a handful of leading ladies from Spain, Italy and Germany managed to bring their well-dressed selves and kids to some of the early stuff.
Looking especially suspicious at your absence, English WAGs.
Iker’s main squeeze and rumoured fiancee, Sara Carbonero, was lucky enough to see all the Spain vs Italy action from the sidelines. She’s currently in one of the two host countries working hard for the Mediaset Sport sideline reportage wonga.
Does anyone else remember a time when wives and girlfriends were content with being a famous footballer’s wife – accepting their position in life solely through their hot husbands achievements? Those were the good old days, weren’t they Kickettes?
We watched all 90 minutes of this game and all we got out of it was a nasty case of indigestion. That’ll teach us to never self-diagnose our ailments on WebMD again.
Note to selves: f-o-c-u-s.
In a highly anticipated tie between Molto Bello Hot and Muy Caliente Hot, the most startling aspect of Italy vs Spain was Andres Iniesta’s not so subtle and completely out of the blue man-doration for Daniele De Rossi. Seriously, whenever he was given repose from running, the Spanish star couldn’t keep his paws to himself.
Image: @Emenderk. H/T @emcardenas.