'Germany' Category

Lies Footballers Think It’s Perfectly Acceptable To Tell Files: Michael Ballack

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retired footballer can't pay speeding car ticket spain

Though it sounds like absolute bollocks to us, the retired footballer’s lawyer is arguing Mikey can’t pay his recent speeding ticket because he (paraphrasing here) has no income and just finished his football career.

“Just because he is a famous footballer doesn’t mean he has any money coming in,” said Ballack’s attorney in defense of his apparent inability to pay a fine of £8,000.

Newsflash: irrefutable evidence suggests that it takes only takes a footballer one thing to capture a woman’s attention and that is money. So while Mr Ballack’s excuse is inexplicably pitiful, we can only wish him the best of luck the next time he goes on the pull.

Because inevitably he’ll try, and will deffo fail miserably.

International Results: Wet n’ Wild

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The referee wasn’t the only one to disbelieve the weather reports in Warsaw. Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

Just to confirm, we weren’t in charge at the Polish National Stadium last night, we weren’t responsible for rendering the retractable roof  inoperable and that wasn’t one of our man slaves in a ref costume bumbling about pointlessly in the resulting swamp.

Although you would be forgiven for thinking it was, given the level of incompetence on display.

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Mesut Ozil: Birthday Surprise!

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Image: Facebook.

We can’t help but feel that seconds after this lovely photo of Mesut Ozil was taken in the German NT hotel, at least one of his team-mates took the opportunity to slam his pretty face straight into the lightly dusted birthday cake before him.

We love him, and we’d have done it. Happy (belated) birthday anyway, Bambi!

International Results: Mixed Blessings

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He came, he scored, they went bonkers. Image: Stu Forster/Getty Images Europe.

Rarely relevant, factually incorrect but always pretty.

Welcome to Monday at Kickette, peeps!

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Haircut Homies: Mesut Ozil & Sergio Ramos

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Images: Alex Grimm/Bongarts/Getty Images, tumblr.

Ten days ago, Sergio Ramos demonstrated support of team-mate Mesut Ozil by wearing the maligned midfielder’s jersey underneath his own in the second half of Madrid’s game vs. Deportivo. This has been seized upon by the press as a gesture of defiance to Jose Mourinho, but they obviously missed the Kickette Scientific Research Institute’s paper last year, which discussed the propensity of close partners to share one another’s clothes and mimic their look.

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