Image: Sporten.dk.

This is Missé Beqiri and these are her extremely not safe for work “girls”. We’re particularly impressed by her ability to smoke a cigarette with one hand and no bra.

If those perky things didnt get your attention maybe this will: she’s a Swedish model who is said to be dating Manchester United’s Danish backdoor bad boy keeper, Anders Lindegaard.

As far as we can tell, Missé doesn’t seem to have the same loose morals and questionable standards that we often look for in WAGs or strive to possess ourselves. That’s without taking into account her plethora of nudie shots and the inevitable paralysis of our pupils had we actually looked through her nipples’ entire portfolio, though.

Imagery-crazy aside, this 24-year-old Albanian model from Malmö, Sweden has quite the CV; she’s fronted many a mags and a handful of brand campaigns, albeit largely in Sweden and Denmark. That should soon change, however, now that she’s got Major Models reppin’ her throughout a few European cities. Missé is a fellow blogger as well, so we gotta give her props for being a sucker slave to her keyboard passion. Also, and perhaps most impressive of all: she bears a striking resemblance to American supermodel, Cindy Crawford.

It’s imperative for you all to know that this hook up rumour is spreading on the basis of Beqiri and Lindegaard leaving lovey dovey Facebook messages and emoticon hearts on one another’s private pages this past New Year’s Eve. Anders was apparently humble bragging about having the best girlfriend, to which Missé supposedly responded, “As good as it gets…”

Well, whatever these two crazy kids are (or aren’t) doing will be fine by us as long as a webcam is involved on his part. After all, Anders is 27-years-old and making trailer loads of cash – how dare we put a stopper on his need to <3?

Above at left, MB for FEMINA Denmark December 2010. Thumbnail at left was shot by Niklas Højlund.

Stephen Ireland wouldn’t dare forget to bring his snakeskin pants to Ronaldinho’s next pyjama party…would he?

If you think this is good, just wait.

It gets better.

Saturday

- We offered our steamiest congrats to Barcelona’s Victor Valdes, who received the Catalan Athlete of the year award.

- Alessandro Del Piero dressed as St Nick to spread some holiday cheer around town in Turin. He stayed far away from German club St Pauli whilst in costume.

- Football Federation Australia (FFA) faced some sirius legal action from Jason Culina, and the Professional Footballers Association after a claim of about $1.7 million was filed against the organisation for allegedly failing to ensure the injured Socceroo was covered by insurance.

- To answer Caught Offside‘s question, it’s 60 – 90 seconds.

Sunday/Mondayish

- Bolton’s Christmas party was a dud.

- When Fatbooth & a photo of Benny Feilhaber collide.

- Fauxhawk fanatic and Nike underwear model, Neymar, says it’s difficult to find a sincere woman as a footballer. Shocker.

Carlo Ancelotti and his possible new mystery girlfriend in Venice. Image Credit: Repubblica.it.

- He’s 52-years-old and hails from Italy, was unceremoniously sacked from Chelsea after winning the double and his personal life rivals a good daytime soap opera. But we still love us some Carlo Ancelotti, despite his new unidentified Jerry Hall look-alike-from-afar new gal pal that he was papped all around Venice with.

-Our vote is for Tottenham having a Christmas party, if that counts for anything (it probably doesn’t).

- Does this mean a move to Paris and Ligue 1 is back ‘on’ for the Beckhams?

Sunday

- We can’t say we ‘feel’ Scott Dann’s pain, but OUCH! That had got to hurt!

- Things you need to know about Landon Donovan’s second coming to Everton.

- AS Roma’s Christmas Party was too hot to handle for us. Dayum.

Click here to view the embedded video.

PS – we just realised Brooksy caught wind of this a whole day before we did. But who cares ‘cos sharing is caring!

We’ve watched many a young child tackle the button pressing bonanza that is FIFA 12, but we’ve never seen a controller combination cause this to happen.

Have you?

No?

Thought not. But while you’re reaping the benefits that pixellated players bring to your life, spare a thought for Fabs. He got carted off during Arsenal’s 3-1 defeat to Olympiakos last night, after picking up a knee injury in a collision with Thomas Vermaelen.

We think even he would agree that picking up Andy Carroll in the penalty area is preferable.

Keep calm and read on, Kickettes. Image Credit: AP.

Sadly, it was anything but quiet on the news front for us this past weekend, but as always, we’re ready and willing to help you bounce back into work action.

Although if you require posts in addition to this one, know that we’ll only resume work upon receipt of our mandatory compensation (in this case that would be Thanksgiving leftovers from our U.S.-based readers).

Saturday

- Now that Bastian Schweinsteiger has earned himself a 15-inch scar following his recent shoulder surgery, the player told BILD how he’s considering covering it with a tattoo. The German paper’s photoshopped suggestion, seen above, is in direct violation of the universe’s rules on tattoos. Can you think of any other creative ink ideas for Schweini, Kickettes?

- Server Djeparov of Uzbekistan won the Asian Football Confederation’s Player of the Year Award for 2011. Based on appearance alone, we think the AFC made a solidly stoic selection.

Image: Stanley Chou/Getty Images AsiaPac.

- Nina Senicar originally denied her rumoured romance with Marco Borriello because their supposed relationship was nothing more than ‘JF’. Now, however, she’s been busy choosing her words carefully, telling all who’ll listen that their time together was ‘just sex‘ at the Sheraton. We don’t mean to gloat but we love it when we’re right.

Sunday

- Upon hearing the news about the untimely passing of Gary Speed, numerous influential figures from the world of football and beyond paid tribute to the Wales national team manager.

- The New York Times took an in-depth look at the correlation between violence and football in Argentina.

- No pressure for baby Sophia, but Abbey Clancy wants her daughter to be a pop star when she grows up.

- Grocery store gray seems to be the new black if Melissa Satta (on/off? girlfriend of Christian Vieri, the newest contestant on Italy’s version of ‘Dancing With The Stars’) and Elena Santarelli (Bernardo Corradi) are any WAGs go by.

Image via jutarnji.hr

They tried to keep it private, but Vedran Ćorluka clearly did not factor into our roving reporter’s persistence whilst on duty.

Yes, it’s true, the Spurs defender is now dating 27-year-old Croatian model Vedrana (nah, that won’t be confusing) Linardić.

What do we know about our newest club member? Well, she recently ended a relationship with NK Lokomotiva striker Nino Bule, she’s quite famous in her home country but aspires to have international recognition before retirement. Dating an EPL footballer will not harm her chances in this regard. Vedrana is also a trained teacher, implying that she is patient, relaxed and used to dealing with juvenile behaviour.  This may be useful, since the Xmas party season will soon be on us.

Lastly, the reason she is with Vedran is that ‘he can talk for hours’ and ‘knows what he wants in life‘. Oi! No snarking at the back, Kickettes! He really loved Iva when he had that tattoo done.

Lucky he had it removed though, no?

Ashely Cole and Chloe Green leaving Cirque du Soir, Ganton Street, London.

Ashley Cole and Chloe Green are a rando mix of people to be seen exiting Cirque du Soir’s backdoor separately at 4am, no?

Clearly they must be doing it. And clearly Ashley has a fetish for wannabe ballerinas.

Just kidding! We have no clue why the Chelsea man and the reality telly star were doing their best to play coy and undercover when they weren’t even pictured together, but at least Ashley looked spiff in the process.

That is, until he got into a heated argument with a passer by along his way home, politely picking a fight with the stranger smack dab in the middle of the street. Although his mate was successful in his attempts at physical containment, Ashley then rifled off a verbal assault on bystanding paparazzi, telling one of them that they’d be ‘dead in two years’.

All’s fair in lust & street fights?

‘[My] type is Eva Longoria, Eva Mendes, Megan Fox, Shakira. I think it is clear that if I have to choose, I prefer brunettes.’

We find it moderately interesting that Rami covets Gerard Pique’s blond haired other half since Shakira hasn’t been a brunette for some time now, and Valencia and Barcelona play one another in two weeks’ time (give or take a few days, counting is not our forte).

Nothing will probably come of it – unless we magically secure some tickets to the Mestalla and low light appointments at Aveda before then.

Image via Tumblr.

Mario Balotelli and his more-than-a-fling-thing, Raffaela Fico, were seen leaving Manchester’s San Carlo restaurant together earlier this month. It’s Super Mario’s favourite eatery in the North of England, which is essentially useless information, unless we want to speculate about how things are really heating up between these two.

Could be, now that he’s opened the door to a possible switch to Parma FC. Ms Fico, mind you, is only a boat ride away in Naples. But that’s not entirely relevant to why we’re bringing you this post.

Following their dinner date and swift exit, neither did a good job of hiding their mysterious bumps and bruises on the lower halves of their legs. Mario courted the cameras with his rolled up, plaid pant leg while Raffaella opted for the open-toed, colourful clogs for added, bloody effect.

What gives Kickettes? Was the Manchester City want-away recently injured whilst training but we were too consumed with his t-shirts to notice? Is this Raffaella’s eccentric way of showing her support for her man or vice versa?

Are we making something out of nothing – or are these photos a bit too much like Amy & Blake for your liking as well?

Image Source: One of the best Tumblr pages we’ve seen in awhile. Check out the shot they got on Figo. Ahem.

Could it be the quickest post-break-up bounceback ever recorded in football dating history, Kickettes? Diego Forlan’s abs have barely been free for more than 10 minutes and they’re already back on the prowl (or so reports would like us to believe)?

Days before the Copa American tournament kick-off, the newly single-fied Uruguay NT player was seen out and about at Lotus in Montevideo. His partner in question was Stephany Ortega, also known as Miss Uruguay 2010. Even though they maintain neighboring homes in Carrasco, Uruguay, the 21-year-old model claimed that the two only met that fateful Saturday evening (25th June), and are ‘just friends’.

Around the same time, a Forlan post-split pretty numero dos stepped forward: Maria Raquel Denis. An apparent friend to Diego’s family and former beauty queen herself (we sense a pattern here…just sayin’…), Miss Denis was rumoured to be the third wheel at the centre of the Forlan/Nara split. In order to quell those allegations, she released an official statement offering full support to Diego and his family. Like they really need it, pffft.

M.R.D. continued her random rant by placing all break-up blame on Zaira and her media-courting tweets, which gave way to never-ending speculative stories.

And while we’re on the subject, Miss Nara went back to work last week on her former show “La Cocina Del Show”. She appeared to be in good spirits but ixnay-ed all relationship rupture talk because of a legal action from the Forlan camp (read: a gag order). She also managed a phone interview with “Intrusos” (a popular gossip show in Argentina), where she stated that the total truth about her and Diego’s relationship will forever remain between the two of them, and the two of them only.

Or, Kickettes, do you believe the relationship dramaz will be kept between the two of them AND the magazine who cuts Zara the fattest cheque for her side of the story?