They’re out and they’re proud and they’re wearing flat shoes.
Danielle Lloyd and Jermain Defoe officially went public last night at the Miss Bollywood show. Looks like he’s over Charlotte, then.
With the tabloid news breaking over the weekend that Danielle Lloyd is now dating Jermain Defoe, we felt inspired to create a six degrees of skankocity chart to keep track of the off pitch action of some of the more ‘active’ players and playettes.
Let’s go through the DNA-swapping background:
The woman behind the divorce of Thierry Henry and his wife Claire has been revealed.
She’s a celebrity make-up artist, named Sadie Hewlett.
We use the term ‘celebrity’ with just a smidge of sarcasm because some of Sadie’s celeb clients include the Cheeky Girls and Jodie Marsh. Perhaps a more accurate description would be ‘non-celebrity’ makeup artist, but whatevs. She also lists John Terry as a client, and met Thierry after making him up for an advert he was shooting.
How the course of love doth runneth so quickly. It seems like it was just a few short weeks ago that Cristiano Ronaldo was pool-hopping with prostitutes, and now he’s in a serious relationship with Luciana Abreu, a Portuguese pop singer. Wait – it was just a few short weeks ago.
The tabloids are reporting that Luciana and Cristiano have been dating for months. Perhaps they don’t recall the Gemma Atkinson stories being told faster than you could say “opportunist” and “lucky cow” over the last six months.
In any case, the time has come to welcome a new WAG to the club.
What’s the skinny on Ms. Abreu? She’s a former Portugal Pop Idol contestant and soap/tv star, she’s twenty-two, her favourite book is the bible, she has about 80 million fan club sites set up on the net, none of which are in English, and apparently, C-Ron’s mom approves of it all.
She confessed: “She’s a lovely person – a real sweetie. I talk to her all the time and we’re often together. She’s so beautiful. I’d love to have her as my daughter-in-law.“
Dolores told a Portuguese magazine: “I’m hoping she’s not the one that gets away but you can’t tell what will happen with things of the heart.“
This is true, you never can tell what will happen with things of the heart. Or, with things like your supposed man paying for booty. That can always trip up the whole madly in love ‘til death do us part thing, no?
You can see Luciana in full poptastic gyrating action on the Eurovision 2006 stage here.
Oh, and if anyone can speak/read Portuguese and can give us the inside from that angle, feel free to contact our uni-lingual selves asap. For example, was this photo taken in the 1970s, during a particularly happy acid trip?
You read it here first, Kickettes.
Last Sunday Gemma Atkinson and Marcus Bent were spotted together at Chessington’s World of Adventures.
They were “definitely together” but “not completely all over each other”, says our insider spy. The two also spent time taking lots of photos of each other and asking passersby to take the odd pic of them as well.
Let’s check into the background here for a ‘mo:
Gemma Atkinson is supposed to be dating Cristiano Ronaldo. We recently reported the rumours that she had an affair with Cristiano’s (now former) team-mate, Alan Smith. Would anyone care to hazard a guess at what the hell she is doing going on roller coasters and fun festivities with Marcus Bent?
Lest we forget, Marcus Bent is supposed to be dating Danielle Lloyd. They vacationed together. He (allegedly) cheated on her when she was in the hospital. They broke up. She took him back. And so on.
This new incestuous web of WAG wannabee behaviour is seriously starting to freak us out. Are we really at the point when we need to be overlapping on ballers? Aren’t there enough to go around? Even if Marcus and Danielle are split up, what the hell is Gemma Atkinson doing? Even if she has split with C-Ron, isn’t this a little…you know?
Not that this has anything to do with us, but we might have to formally request an intervention by the FA immediately. The reputation of the hard working WAGs committed to shopping and hanging on until they receive their cash prize (looking at you Toni Poole and Elen Rives) depends on it.
photo: elite clubbing
Here’s a recent pic of Gemma and Marcus out clubbing. Actual photos of them doing the nasty have yet to surface.
As for the Gemma/Cristiano are they-aren’t they, it’s looking like Gemma and Cristiano had in fact split before she hooked up with Marcus – after banging on about C-Ron on her official site, she has publicly admitted that the relationship is on no ‘mo. Check out the wannabe WAG at T4 on the Beach making the admission (briefly and quickly, note). Cheers Michaela!