We continue our updates with a WAGfest of ho’s, hoochie mamas and skanks.
Two stories are out today about Cristiano Ronaldo‘s girlfriend (?), Gemma Atkinson and Danielle Lloyd (soon to be christened she-who-shall-not-be-named).
Apparently Gemma Atkinson has been getting it on behind Ronaldo’s back with fellow Man U mate, Alan Smith. Smith would make late night booty calls to Gemma when his girlfriend Holly Worthington was away, and Gemma would sneak over to Smith’s apt. Gemma is reportedly desperate to hang on to Ronaldo (duh) and has been trying to keep things on the hush. She’s denied all allegations.
We say: everything we hear about this girl is a) gross b) skankalicious and c) probably a lie, so proceed with slagging her off with caution.
As for SWSNBN, Danielle Lloyd, believe every nasty story you hear, this girl has issues. Latest is that she has hooked up with rapper 50 Cent, who is so into her he’s going to fly her to New York and reportedly feature her in his next video: British Wannabe Ho’s R the Best Ho’s.
Well, we’re not sure of the exact song title, but it will be something along those lines, we’re certain. Some say 50’s bedding technique is frequently based on telling girls they will star in his next video.
A story is also out about Danielle admitting to a passionate affair with Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton when she was a teenager. At the time she was two-timing him with Shaun Walker, who is currently in a Spanish jail over a gangland shootout.
Link: Ronaldo’s Girlfriend Denies Cheating
Link: Bestotted Rapper 50 Cent
Link: Lewis Went Round the Bend
image: news of the world
Frank Lampard seems to have gotten himself into a sticky-icky situation in Vegas. Granted, Vegas is a city built for sticky-ickys, so this should come as no surprise, really. Vegas = gambling, alcohol and women. This = a very happy place for the ballers amongst us, who have few other interests outside these areas.
Anyhoo, Lampard has been in Vegas since Weds, on a lads-only vacay with Teddy Sheringham, Wayne Bridge, and Glen Johnson.
Reports are flying that Frank hooked up with an Eastern European brunette and spent four hours with her in the private villa the boys had rented at the Wynn Hotel. Let us just mention here, the boys all had their own suites at the hotel, but booked a villa specifically for other purposes.
Says the croupier at the table where the boys were getting their gamble on:
“They were laughing about taking women back to the hotel’s Fairview Villa.
“I heard several telling girls they had their own suites, but had hired the villa for fun. They called it their ‘P*ssy Playhouse’ and were being quite crude.”
We refuse, on principle, to comment on the name of the playhouse. We simply cannot.
In another life, our favourite resident skank / former girl-crush Danielle Lloyd must have done something real, real bad… like buy discount shoes or wear a dog fur coat, because things are on the non-stop down stroke for her personal life lately.
After Danielle’s love affair with Teddy Sheringham went to pot and she started dating Charlton’s Marcus Bent, we all hoped she would stay out of the tabloids for a tad longer than 5 minutes. Such moments of joy were not to be.
Danielle’s been played out. By a man with the last name of Bent.
The Bent did his doggery whilst Danielle was in hospital to have a suspicious lump removed from her breast. Sources have not confirmed if this suspicious lump was actually Teddy Sheringham. During Dani’s hospital stay, Marcus was hooking up with Kirsty Fisher, an air hostess who ended up giving Marcus an ultimatum to choose between her or Danielle. It’s all class when you’re the mistress to a man who has a girlfriend in the hospital.
Danielle has since sworn off footballers, saying: “I’m obviously very disappointed with him and it’s gutting. Boys will be boys and footballers are the worst boys of all. I guess now it’s definitely no more footballers for me.“
Link: Dani Gives Footy Boys the Boot
Link: Bent Does The Dirty
Sunderland’s Dwight Yorke is living in a world of baby mama drama and it’s getting overpopulated.
After a well-publicised fall out with glamour model Jordan, with whom he shares a son, Harvey, Dwight is now in the midst of a truly icky situation with his current girlfriend, Naomi Smith.
His current pregnant girlfriend Naomi Smith, who has just been rumbled as having a three-year affair with an assistant pro-golfer named Darren Sorrell.
To rub a little salt into the wound, it looks like Dwight has been signing the cheques for the two lovebirds. A friend close to the couple said “He [Darren] loved the lifestyle he had by being with her. The clothes, posh restaurants. All of which are funded by Dwight.”
Naomi apparently had a stylish apartment she used to shack up with Darren, paid for by Dwight’s cash. She also bought her bit-on-the side a car and took him on vacations.
It’s a slow news day and everyone is either annoying us or is very unattractive.
We’ve always been believers in the Deny To Infinity methodology for infidelity, meaning: if you get caught, deny until the day you die. Deny to the point of actually believing your own denial, thus making it much more authentic. However, there are certain cases where our strategy may not be successful.
Arsenal midfielder Tomas Rosicky has been cold busted partying with half a dozen prostitutes by his girlfriend, Czech model Radka Kocurova. Apparently she has seen photographic evidence of this over-populated incident.
We would tell you more about this story, but as we said above: unattractive/annoying. If you want to see what Tomas looks like, Google him, cuz we sure as hell aren’t gonna do it.
Link: Rosicky Girl Hooker Party Rage