'Hook Ups' Category

Enough Already: Teddy Sheringham and Danielle Lloyd

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imageOkay… these two need to just stop.

Let’s start with Danielle.  She joins the coveted ranks of the Wives and Girlfriends Club by dating old man Sheringham, says some fantastically stupid things, loses thousands of pounds because of it, breaks up with her baller, gets back together with her baller, breaks up with him again, becomes a rival with her baller as an online poker rep – please stay awake if you can – and now?

She’s hooching it up on a professional level for all to see.

At celeb (both A, B and C-list) haunt, Funky Buddha, Danielle gave Charlton’s Marcus Bent a bump and grind dance showcase directly in front of her ex Teddy.  As he looked on, blood boiling, Danielle then started snogging the face off of Marcus as well.  Teddy told her to behave herself. She continued her striptastical behaviour until even the randoms at the club were raising eyebrows.

Danielle and Marcus exchanged numbers. 

But wait.  Last week girlfriend was spotted trying to get it on with Carlton Cole (West Ham) when they were out at the Embassy club.

And perhaps we should extend the ho-factor to Teddy as well, who flirted with a gaggle of women the same night – in the vicinity of Danielle & Co. The Mirror says he went home with three women.  Their “spy” says Danielle ran screeching to the loos in anger.

This is the type of healthy relationship with your ex one can only hope, dream, and take prescription medicine for.

Link: Sherri Taunts Ex In Club
Link: The Oldest Trick

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The Shit List: The Beckhams

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Usually we love us some Beckhams – you know that we do.

Usually, we love David for the obvious reasons (general hotness, thighs of thunder, etc) and we love Victoria for her tabloid consistency, designer gear and all around WAG professionalism.  But there comes a point when we have to say, Stop The Madness.  Or, to be more direct about it, “bitch, please!“.  We’ve been here before, and we were onside with it all.  But today for a limited time only, The Beckham are on our Shit List.

The latest string of Becks news in the press, ranging from Victoria feeding David special foods so they can conceive a baby girl, to their rock solid relationship, is working our last Monday morning nerve.

On Friday everyone media-related was given the full disclosure about the Beckhams’ 10th anniversary celebration.  (They booked into the Lowry Hotel in Manchester, which was decorated with candles and white flowers. David gave Victoria jewellery.  Their kids were there.  As were the mothers/in-laws.  All basking in the celebratory glow of David and Victoria, in love, forever and ever amen for 10 years.  Victoria apparently told her mates: “It was a momentous night. Our closeness and romance is as strong as ever.“)

Ever heard that expression, “those who know don’t say”? If things are so great, why do you have to continually tell us about it? Can’t you just enjoy the momentous closeness and shut up? Seriously, if you were married to Becks with three kids and millions of dollars would you even bother to speak to anyone?  Ever?  We would just laugh all day at the poor peasants who had to go to work and gaze at lesser men across the dinner table every night.  But we digress. 

Victoria recently said being apart from David is very hard on her.  “I just have a breakdown and cry a lot. The hardest part of my life is when I’m away from David. Everything else I can cope with…..“

Then, “We have a security team everywhere we go – school, shopping, to McDonald’s – and I don’t like it. Do I wish I was anonymous? Of course.“

Anyone wishing to insert a “bitch, please!“ here, please feel free.

The reality as we see it: the facade is crumbling. 

imageIt’s fairly common knowledge that David has a wandering eye, and more and more reports are coming out that things are strained between the two of them. (By the way, does anyone remember this painful photo call just after David got (allegedly) busted for hooking up with Rebecca Loos?  Ouch.)  An insider says “they’re like ships that pass in the night.“  They’ve spent very little time together this year, and David is said to be annoyed at Victoria signing her TV deal because he wanted a more low key start to things in America.

We’re going to put it out there:  it’s okay if you split up, okay?  We’ll all still love you, heck, maybe even a little more.  Brand Beckham will never die. So just chill with the PR campaign.

Rant finished, we will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Link: David & Victoria On The Brink

Quote of the Day: Nicola T on Bobby Z

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“Days later he gave me a beautiful Rolex watch

the splits: Stewart & Michaela

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imageWAGs Boutique is losing another “official” WAG off the list.

Michaela Henderson-Tynne and Stewart Downing have split up. 

After four rocky years together (with frequent arguments, including a huge row on Michaela’s 21st birthday), the two have called it quits. We’re not sure who dumped who – maybe after Stewart saw her fighting with Cassie Sumner on WAGs Boutique he had to let it go.  Then again, he didn’t dump her after her World Cup Idol performance (singing ‘There’s only one Stewart Downing!‘ at the Garibaldi club after knocking back a gazillion bottles of Legras Grand Cru, Vodka Red Bulls and Sambucca shots), so perhaps things just ran their course.

Ms HT is a 3rd year law student at Newcastle University and even with a seemingly decent future ahead earning her own cash and using her brain, we’re very concerned about what happens when you’re removed from the WAG roster.  Dear kickettes, what lies ahead after that dark, dark day?  Endorsing a line of mystic spray tan?  Moving on to lesser sportsmen like bowlers or (gasp) darts players? 

For Ms HT, we hear a resounding, “perhaps” ringing out loud and clear. 

Link: Downing Ditches His Wag

Marco Boriello: It Wasn’t Me

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We can’t stop saying it: if you’re going to be dumb, at least be cute. And please don’t try to blame your screw up on someone else.

In the case of Milan’s Marco Boriello, he’s failing a little on his smarts getup. Admittedly, in the looks dept we’re full of purring approval.

Here’s where it gets sticky: He fails a drug test – twice. He then blames his model-girlfriend, Belen Rodriguez for giving him an STD and saying the cream he had to use to rid himself of the creepy crawly nasties contained a substance on the banned list. Follow the link for more icky deets. We’re off to take a hot shower.

Link: Milan Striker Fails Drugs Test

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