'Hook Ups' Category

Gonzalo Higuain & Neymar: Pitter Patter, The Unplanned(?) Edition


La Liga pregnant WAG

Image: REUTERS/Felix Ordonez.

We consider it to be a testament to our bluffing skills that we manage to cobble together (barely) enough posts on this website to fool people into thinking we are taking it seriously. We do, don’t we? It’s not entirely obvious that a good 90% of our attention is generally on drinking, shopping or a frighteningly expensive combination of the two, is it?

Nevermind. Most of the time we can just blank it out. But occasionally our lack of commitment and frankly laughable attention spans are brutally exposed when we find out that something really important has happened in the world of football and we ruddy missed it. Say, that Gonzalo Higuan has fathered a child.

Yes, according to ChronoFoot and our TTO commenters, a source close to both the baby momma and Higgy’s own Mum confirmed the news way back in January.


Bubbas, Ballers & Bumping Uglies: A Germany Special


We all fantasise about it on an hourly basis, but isn’t it great to be able to confirm that all is well in the world of footballer fecundity?

Yes, for those of you still suffering agony spasms caused by the dearth of Leo Torres photos (why, Fernando, why?!)  to follow is a quickie round up of the happy events befalling some of  the finest footie players from or playing on German soil, whether they’re bringing up baby, awaiting the arrival of the stork or simply getting in some practice.

Ovaries at the ready, ladies.

Image via tumblr. Thanks Linne & IrisM for their tips!


The Hook Up & Hand Hold: Marco Borriello & Camila Morais


Serie A stud girlfriendWhere would we be without the Italian tabloids’ blurry photos that routinely spread the grainy fruits of the Serie A gossip mill’s labour? Our skin would certainly be free of stress-fueled breakouts, for one thing. Our fingernails and toes would definitely be maintained during the winter and summer, that’s for sure.

So just as we were marching proudly to ‘Ding Dong The Witch Has Checked Out‘, AS Roma/current Finest Five member (Ed Note: but for how long?) Marco Borriello has done it again. And from the looks of Camila Morais, we must say, we’re pleasantly surprised.

Time for the rundown to crush this Brazilian’s premature promise?

We can’t salvage any viable excuse which begs us not to, so let’s have at it in order of most important facts to most humorous costumes:


Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet


Chelsea star with mystery lady

Soz about our slowness these past few days; the Peeps were a callin’ and we failed to resist the temptation of going HAM on our Easter candy baskets.

- After her beloved Norwich City’s 5-1 victory over arch-rivals Ipswich Town, Sky Sports asked celebrity chef/author, Delia Smith, to sing the victory track, “Ole, Ole” for at home viewers. As is usually the case with alcohol, her beer muscles took over and the result is a YouTube video that will live in infamy.

- Chelsea’s Mikel John Obi and a mystery companion were seen leaving the Mayfair hotel in London. Since we don’t have anything nice to say about her hair or her shoes we’ll just keep quiet.

- Happy (belated) birthday to Victoria Beckham, who turned 37 some days ago. She and the rest of the Beckham clan (bump included) swapped their seats on the hardwood for a box on the LA Kings’ ice Saturday night.

- Meanwhile, on the opposite coast of the U.S., Thierry Henry talked political strategy with NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg at the Knicks game.


Pato & Barbara Berlusconi: Caught On Camera


Images: Oggi.it.

Do these photos constitute a loved-up Pato and Barbara Berlusconi? According to Italian weekly, Today, all signs of catching the couple in the act of their first kiss point to “yes”, but Barbara’s ear-to-ear grin isn’t wide enough to win our WAGdom approval just yet.

Call us harsh, bitter, elitist, et al – only sticks, stones and salt will seriously harm our jawbones, all of which we’ve done a fine job of avoiding since we were 18.