'La Liga' Category

Hand, Meet Ball: Mesut Ozil, Real Madrid


short tent Real Madrid Germany touchy feely

Mesut Ozil was the latest victim of the increasingly popular crotch grab – a technique we occasionally employ in our own dealings with players. Images: PIERRE-PHILIPPE MARCOU/AFP/Getty Images, REUTERS/Vincent Kessler.

The crotch grab as a disabling tactic was first utilised by Wimbledon’s Vinny Jones against Gazza in 1988 and since that time, many illustrious players have fallen victim to it’s startling simplicity and effectiveness.

We’re extremely keen on discovering how to successfully execute said technique, since we repeatedly try a similar move on males out on the town to no avail. We can’t help but feel that it’s increasing use on the pitch today must be connected to the number of footballers who’ve fallen victim to our roving band of staffers and their merciless manicures.

You think it’s worth us claiming it on behalf of the Kickette Army? The crotch grab is inevitably going to become yet another controversial talking point when some high profile dude gets pictured with his bits caught in a vice-like grip, and we need to strike now to ensure we get in on the ground floor.

So to speak.

Is Shakira A Modern Day Yoko Ono?


Barcelona fight with coach Guardiola new contract Yoko John Lennon

Image: FashionFame.com.

There are multiple scenarions in which a play could get the literal boot from his club, but dating a celebrity is not a reason we’ve previously heard of.

According to a new report, Shakira is posing a serious threat to her boyfriend’s professional career at Barcelona, with coach Pep Guardiola supposedly threatening to walk away from a new deal with the club unless the 25-year-old defender goes first. One of the primary reasons for such an about face, it seems, is that Pep feels Shakira is too big of a distraction for one of his star players.


Weekend Results: Queries & Revisionist Theories


Boca was one of three players sent off during a particularly feisty Old Firm derby yesterday. The ref obviously hadn’t received our memo about keeping players with hot thighs on the pitch regardless of crap tackling ability. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Quick, get us an iced latte and a muscular midfielder, stat!

We don’t have to explain why, just someone please do it.


Good Week/Bad Week: Burns, Breaks & Suspicious Looking Bunnies


According to DC’s Director of Marketing Communications, Kyle Sheldon, the creature on the left is a bunny. Which only makes sense if you’ve seen the dog and cat. Image via kckrs.

When leaving the bathroom in a nightclub or bar, please ensure that your skirt isn’t tucked into your undies and your shoes aren’t trailing 18 feet of toilet roll.

If you see anyone over the weekend sporting one or both of these looks, move slowly away. You’ve just met a Kickette staffer.


Leo Messi: Smooth Operator


Image taken December 2010.

It’s been coming for a while, but we’re pleased to advise you that Lionel Messi broke the club scoring record for Barcelona last night, in their game versus Granada.

Leo scored a hat-trick in the eight goal thriller, with Xavi and cutie kidling Cristian Tello contributing one each. Leo has now notched 234 goals for Barca, two more than Cesar Rodriguez who scored 232 during his career at the club.

We doubt that Rodriguez had such smashingly smooth calves or got to do the horizontal diddy with this, though.

Congrats, Leo!