Telenovelas are peanuts compared to our made-for-Real Madrid-TV movie. This post is brought to you by the brilliant captions from the April 2011 UK edition of FourFourTwo magazine and our other hypothetical take on Footballers in Film.
‘Paranoia. Backstabbing. War. The dark secrets of a divided club. And why Jose has six weeks to save his skin.’
Jose (left) is suffering. He has been struck down after an allergic reaction to the Real Madrid standard issue tanning cream and his body is now is covered in large, weeping pustules.
At the moment, only the Real Madrid staff know about the pustules, but this could change as the club doctor is convinced it is only a matter of time before they spread to his face.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
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Stuey Holden. Kickette Secret Agent. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Today’s Weekend Results post contains a photograph that may cause paralysis/hysteria/unpleasant explosions among a certain demographic of Kickette soldier girls and boys. Many will remain impervious to the effects but the ramifications of exposure to the few could have a lasting affect over the whole community. We recommend precautionary measures should be taken by all.
Thank you.
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We hate spoiling the fun with news of Sergio romancing his girlfriend at dinner last night, but we’d feel guilty of false advertising if we didn’t manage your footy fetish expectations. Images: Juan Naharro Gimenez/WireImage; Mujer.terra.es.
Although we’ve already been far too productive for our liking on a Friday, never, ever, in the history of ever-dom, have we been so happy to see these two in self-dressed states of celebratory affairs. With all the sad and seriously speculative news circulating lately, our mood rings have transitioned from rosy red to a permanent shade of murky swamp water. We have no clue what that signifies, or if we should avoid drunkenly crossing street corners after Sunday brunch, but the sight of a happy Ramos and healthy Higuain is a welcome change of pace.
TGIF, Kickettes. Anyone care to share their fun and barely legal weekend plans?
Javier Zanetti, his legs and some random trophy. Image: OLIVIER MORIN/AFP/Getty Images/Daylife
Once again we are thrilled to trash our remit by bringing you news of important breaking football news. The Champions League draw for the quarter-finals was made at 11.00am (GMT) and is as follows:
- Real Madrid vs. Tottenham
- Chelsea vs. Man Utd
- Inter Milan vs. Schalke 04
- Barcelona vs. Shakhtar Donetsk
Immediately after, the draw for the semis took place. You can read about that here.
Meanwhile, we’re happy to return to our usual style of reporting and summarise our initial thoughts on each fixture thusly: 1) Oooh! 2) Bleeeaauugh. 3) Pah! 4) Meh.
You?
Jose (left) is suffering. He has been struck down after an allergic reaction to the Real Madrid standard issue tanning cream and his body is now is covered in large, weeping pustules.
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