Mesut Ozil. Licenced to ill. (via ONTD)
Our occasional series disseminating the sartorial decisions of some our favourite players has delighted and depressed us in equal measure. We thought we were providing a service, you see. That it was within our remit to bring you evidence of footballers’ abilities to decipher the complex world of fashion and help out the offending player at the same time, supplying him with a possible excuse as to how he managed to leave the house in such a state.
Initially we were giddy with glee that a host of our favourite footballers have joined us over on Twitter. In fact, Sergio Ramos’ Twitter was responsible for one of our best days in 2010.
Now, he and many talented others have discovered Twitpic, and the world seems like a crazier, scarier place because of it. Even in this 60 second news cycle world we’re living in, though, one thing remains constant: Sergio Ramos’ fingers.
He’s not an easy character to understand, but we have taken the time to gather a few examples of his digital disclosures and analysed them in order to glimpse the man behind the mime. Please enjoy our foray into Sergio’s world.
And remember to ensure your seatbelts are fastened at all times.
Yes Andy, give yourself a round of applause. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
For many months now, we’ve been voicing our objections to the lack of commitment by some players to their responsibilities. There are simply too many footballers using base layers, results and/or ridiculous rules as an excuse to keep their shirts on and deprive us of our Monday Morning man meat fix.
Above, Andy Carroll puts his fellow players to shame by demonstrating how easy it is to fulfill the criteria of a Kickette lead photo. Note how the removal of the shirt and raised clapping hands results in enhanced abs and a subtle glimpse of a scrummy hip dip. How the slightly rueful expression on his face is uniquely placed to send women rushing to St James Park in order to comfort the boy/smear him in chocolate and molest him.
Come on, boys, it’s not difficult. Make a lady happy today.
And while you’re waiting, peeps, please avail yourself of the weekend results.
The question isn’t whether or not you’ll be buying Gillette moisturizer because of Mr. Xabi Alonso’s pleasant visage. The question is: how much Gillette moisturizer will you be buying? A carton? A crate? The warehouse?
We may be hardcore SK-II/La Mer/anything-with-promises-of-magic-and-moonbeams-in-a jar beauty product users, but we will leave our brand loyalty behind for you, Xabi. (Also, we will leave behind our jobs, homes, chocolate supplies and semi-significant others. Just say the word.)
PS: the chest hair. Sweet, merciful St. Iker; the chest hair.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He may be sarky. He may bitchface until you tear off a stiletto to jam into your eyes to stop the side-eye shame. He may even be so damn buff that you can’t remember whether you were inhaling or exhaling.
But he’s more than that, dear readers. But he’s also a papa.
And, as we all know, children that have sprung forth from footy player loins are far superior in beauty (and bank accounts) to mere mortals. See the above video of Maximilian and Vincent with Ibrah for further reference.
Also for further reference is mama, Helena, a fashion show staple, who was seen at the DSquared2 show (along with Hitoshi Nakata.)
Image: PA via Zimbio. Thanks Jo!