'Ligue 1' Category

Weekend Results: Priorities & Pleadings


Roma’s Marco Borriello. Yes, unfortunately we are this shallow. (Image: AP Photo/Daylife)

We usually like to come up with some sort of witty intro to the Weekend Results, mostly to make the subject matter appear more exciting, but also to enable you to slip comfortably and easily into post as you might a hot bath. Unfortunately, we only have limited wit reserves and we’ve pretty much used it all in the post, leaving us with nothing to say. Hopefully, the photo of Marco Borriello above will distract the majority of you from this crapness.

If not, we’ve put a picture of a topless Phil Neville further down to ease your pain. Enjoy! 


Weekend Results: Astonishment & Arse Kicking


Despite hours of rehearsal, Nani still hadn’t grasped the basic moves required for his role in Manchester United’s interpretation of Titanic. Luckily, Wayne Rooney was practically channelling Kate Winslet and saved the day. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

Occasionally in football, a goal possessed of such technical skill, grace and sheer audacity comes along that makes fans of all football clubs pause. That forces grunts of grudging admiration from even the most hardened cynics and alters the course of a player’s season and possibly that of his club.

Admittedly it helps if the player is Wayne Rooney, if he’s coming off the back of a mayhem scandal inspired slump in form and chooses to score it in a game that effectively ends the title chances of his club’s bitter rivals, but doesn’t that just add to the drama?

Regardless of your team affiliations, impatience at football financial wranglings and infidelity fatigue, take a moment this morning to sit back, relax and enjoy the spectacle of Rooney’s overhead kick winner against City on Saturday. It might not be the goal of the season, it might not be the best goal ever scored at Old Trafford but it’s damn good, yo.


Weekend Results: Umm…What’s That You Say?


Sorry, but this is weird, no? Getty Images/Zimbio

We’re prepared to admit we occasionally (and by ‘occasionally, we mean ‘every week’) tend to waffle more about the EPL than other European leagues in the Weekend Results post. We don’t mean to, but it’s like opening a bottle of fine wine, y’see. You plan to just have a glass, but before you know it you’ve necked the bottle and are half way to the off-licence wearing only your dressing gown and one slipper.

Oh. Is that just us, then?

Anyhoo, this week we make no apology for emphasising the EPL. The anticipation for this weekend’s matches in light of Monday’s last minute transfer capers has been huge, and surprisingly the games lived up to expectation.

Come with us and see. Just let us get dressed first.


Weekend Results: Pointy Fingers & Pretences


Another volunteer for the Kickette nudey calender? Step this way please, Mr Eto’0. And please remove your shorts. Getty Images/Zimbio)

In the spirit of inconsistency that we like to think has become our byword of late, we chose to ignore the Coupe de France results last week in favour of an early lunch and cocktails. This week, we are  going to provide you with a rundown of the English FA Cup results in place of the EPL, risking a late lunch and moodiness throughout the rest of the day.

All complaints at our cavalier attitude toward European domestic cup competition should be addressed thusly: Person In Charge, Dept of Whothehellcares, Kickette Office, The Pub, Chiswick.

Thanks for your interest!


Weekend Results: The Eyes Have It


Hands up if you want to appear naked in the Kickette 2011 Calender, please. Ahem. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

For those of us who spent Sunday gathered around the television in anticipation of the ‘Most Exciting Day of Football Since Records Began™’, derby day in the EPL proved to be something of a damp squib. Apparently, we should have been watching on Saturday where excitement and intrigue abounded.

But we were shopping. Duh. If the authorities could sort it out so our entertainment is not impeded by our pathological need to acquire goods, we would be happy.

In the meantime, here are the European highlights in full, for those of you also beholden to consumerism. We love you, you see.