'Ligue 1' Category

Kickette Stocking Stuffers: Olympique Lyonnais’ 2011 Calendar


Yoann Lashes Gourcuff

Images: Olweb.fr.

If you haven’t ventured out into society recently to do your holiday shopping, and are instead languishing in denial taking duvet cover comfort, we can help. Let our astute shopping experts ease the burden by periodically presenting the top tiny trinkets that would snugly fit in any Kickette’s stocking this season.

Boys, girls, Mums, Grandparents and/or pets take note: give your loved ones a gift they won’t return. Give them finely dressed footballin’ Frenchmen in B&W.

A perfect way to spend to pretty up that special someone’s next 365 days, Lyon’s 2011 club calendar is now up for grabs, and with the pages appropriately priced at €19.95, this collection of suited studs can’t be brushed aside.

Also, Lisandro Lopez: welcome to our scruffy-loving sisterhood. We’ve been here for awhile, but it’s always good to have newcomers amongst us.

Weekend Results: Thank You, John Terry


Samir Nasri. We’re starting to ‘get it’. You? (Getty Images/Zimbio)

Is it the cold weather? A new shyness breaking our amongst our baller boys? We’re not sure, but there was certainly a dearth of nekkidness in the European league fixtures this weekend. This makes our job very difficult indeed.

Y’see, when we’re compiling this post we rely quite heavily of images of boy boobs and short tents distract our faithful readers from the fact that we might not be as comprehensive as we could be in our coverage. If there are no such photographs available, there’s a serious danger you guys might actually read our Monday morning rumblings and realise we slept/drank our way through the entire weekend.

Thank goodness for John Terry’s peen. Without it, the weekend would have been a complete waste of time…


Weekend Results: Dropped Points & Pants (Nearly)


Defeat hurts in all sorts of unexpected places for Sergio Aguero. (AP Photo/Daylife)

With Scotland attempting to nick every European official with two legs to cover for their striking referees, three centimeters of snow bringing the United Kingdom to a standstill and El Clasico being bumped to tonight because of the Catalan elections it’s a wonder we have got any results to bring you this Monday morning.

Luckily we are extremely resilient here at Kickette. As our post World Cup summer posts demonstrated, even if there is no football activity at all we are more than capable of keeping this site up and running, applying our witty and incisive prose to almost any subject.

Or, to put it another way, we can write rubbish about anything. Check us the hell out.


Baller Bylines: Jeremy Morel & Yoann Gourcuff


Image via olweb.fr

Jeremy Morel: So you reckon this’ll work, then?

Yoann Gourcuff: Of course it’ll work! Those fickle, insensitive, sexist drunkards at Kickette are only interested in manflesh. Sensitivity, artistic hair and gorgeous lashes are apparently insufficient to sustain their interest.

JM: Right. So we’re going to wander around the pitch naked after every game, remove our shorts in training and smear our abs in oil every time we see a camera. The Kickette floozies will see this, dribble and you will be restored to your rightful place in the Finest Five post haste, yes?

YG: Yes.

JM: So what’s in it for me, exactly? Apart from a serious risk of frostbite?

YG: You get to bask in my gentle glow, you fool! Imagine the attention you will get from hot bishes all over the globe, just because you’re standing next to me half naked! Besides, I need a wing man. I’ve already been the victim of bullying in the national team. If they find out that I care about this, they’ll beat me to death with sticks.

JM: Fair enough.

Weekend Results: Hammerings & Hangovers


Cesc Fabregas. Emirates Stadium. Saturday. Oof. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Having your backside handed to you on a plate is one thing. When the act is carried out by your bitterest rival, prevents you from sitting pretty atop the leaderboard and breaks a record of seventeen years standing, it’s another thing entirely.

But enough about the results of the Kickette Annual Pre-Thanksgiving/Champagne Drinking Contest. Please accompany us (and our hangovers) as we tour the highlights of the weekend results.

No shouting or merriment, please. We’re of a delicate disposition today.