AC Milan’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This man is the gift that just keeps on giving, no? (Getty Images/Zimbio)
This morning, we would like to begin the Weekend Results post with a pledge. In future we shall try to avoid making statements on the good form or otherwise of a particular club. While it is vaguely amusing to see the application of our collective football knowledge shown up for what it is, we realise that continual damning of form clubs into the depths of embarrassment *may* alienate us from our readers. We offer our apologies to Chelsea fans in particular, a club whose form we recently described as imperious across all competitions.
Serie A, Ladies & Gents. Where manlove was born. (Reuters/Daylife)
Soooo, we have a small confession-ette to make. The EPL followers among you may have noticed that during Birmingham City’s 2-2 draw with West Ham on Saturday, the sprinkler system inexplicably ‘switched itself on’ (left). This resulted in some players and the referee getting wet. We would like to state that it was indeed, as some of you may have suspected, a Kickette soldier girl who twiddled with the necessary plumbing. (Getty/Daylife)
It’s true.** And we would like to reassure you that while it appeared to be a bit of a let down (limited shirt clinging), this was merely a dress rehearsal in our eternal quest for damp footballers. All we’ll say for now is that it’s El Classico in a few weeks and we’ve got our wrench.
As you were.
David Villa: Goal celebration or sex face? We’re going with the latter, natch. Getty Images/Daylife
Apologies for our absence on Friday, activities were suspended due to the Kickette staff’s attendance of a team building exercise. The weekend, undertaken with the idea of maximising our ability to provide you with exciting, informative posts, involved hiking, building shelters, crossing rivers and lots of mud, all things we were totally prepared to do in the name of our art.
Unfortunately one of our number refused to get off the bus as she found out there were no shops within a 50 mile radius. We were forced to de-camp to the local five star hotel for manicures and meditation.
Still. We tried. Allow us to make it up to you with the Weekend Results.
Mario Gomez: Allowing Kickette staff to get their priorities right since 1985.
Now you see, it’s days like this we really come into our own. Considering the high scores, controversial sendings off and returns to form this weekend has brought forth, any ordinary football website would lead with a dull action photo of a tackle, a red card or one of Cristiano’s goal celebrations.
Not us, though. We’re going to lead this episode of the Weekend Results with a picture of a man whose team are currently eleventh in the Bundesliga and ground out a 0-0 draw with Hamburg. Yup, it’s Mario Gomez and his thighs. Does our temerity not rock?!