'Ligue 1' Category

Weekend Results: Tackling The Big Issues

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Bendy congratulates Marouane Chamakh on a step in the right direction. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

The Emirates is the starting point for our results round up this week, where a controversy that has been brewing for weeks finally came to a head. It was only a matter of time before the issue that has been confounding media and players alike exploded on the pitch and while it wasn’t pretty, we all feel a sense of relief and hope that Saturday’s events were the last word on the matter. 

Kickettes, the Buzzard Cut has been laid to rest. Marouane Chamakh has had a haircut. You may all breathe easy again.
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Mathieu Valbuena: Bad, Bad Barnet

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Apparently C-Ron isn’t the only player with aspirations towards East Coast ineptitude. Here is French NT and Marseille player Mathieu Valbuena, sporting what we can only describe as a ‘startled DJ Pauly D’ on his head. Looks like it’s gonna be a while before you’re getting your Jersey Shore GTL on, Mathieu!

Carlos Bocanegra: Taping & Tater Tots

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See that microphone, Kickettes? That could’ve been you!  Images via SmallBar Division

Bad news for any stalkers of the USMNT. If you weren’t at SmallBar, Division St in Chicago last night you missed an opportunity to get up close and personal with the delectable Carlos Bocanegra, who was in town taping a segment for web show Studio 90.

As these images show, Captain America pressed the flesh with those who did bother to turn up and it appears that the fans were rewarded for their efforts (left).

Look at that picture (above), Kickettes. That could have been you. Let this be a warning to you all. You could have shared a plate of tater tots, people. Tater tots! Where’s the commitment?!

French Fashion: Yoann Gourcuff & Loic Remy

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Yum! It’s our favourite Frenchies, Yoann Gourcuff and Loic Remy, demonstrating how to do the designer gear /high street fashion mix proper. We see you, Abercrombie, Louis Vuitton and… Puma. Image credit: FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty. Images via PNTP: Beautified Football Thx JP!

Weekend Results: Record (And Leg) Breaking

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Yes Andy, give yourself a round of applause. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

For many months now, we’ve been voicing our objections to the lack of commitment by some players to their responsibilities. There are simply too many footballers using base layers, results and/or ridiculous rules as an excuse to keep their shirts on and deprive us of our Monday Morning man meat fix.

Above, Andy Carroll puts his fellow players to shame by demonstrating how easy it is to fulfill the criteria of a Kickette lead photo. Note how the removal of the shirt and raised clapping hands results in enhanced abs and a subtle glimpse of a scrummy hip dip. How the slightly rueful expression on his face is uniquely placed to send women rushing to St James Park in order to comfort the boy/smear him in chocolate and molest him.

Come on, boys, it’s not difficult. Make a lady happy today.

And while you’re waiting, peeps, please avail yourself of the weekend results.

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