Yoann Gourcuff: Side-Eye And A Stretch
'Ligue 1' Category
Claude Makélélé: Professional and Personal Achievements
Claude Makélélé, who is officially hanging up his professional boots now that the Ligue 1 season is over, was the french top flight’s Lifetime Achievement award winner at Sunday’s UNFP Awards. Two weeks earlier, the Paris Saint-German captain and his teammates (L to R: Clément Chantôme, Mateja Kezman, Claude Makélélé and Jérémy Clément.) took in the sights of the French capital to bask in their Coupe de France final glory.
True facts: Makélélé is a suit connoisseur. Which should come in handy when he travels to South Africa this summer to work as a BBC/Canal Plus pundit.
However, Mak has remained tight-lipped concerning one piece of news we actually care about: Noemie Lenoir.
Weekend Results: Rather Volcanic
As half of Europe remains shut down due to a volcano taking inspiration from Jermain Defoe’s auto activities, let’s take a quick bulleted look over what we took notice of this weekend. Since we’re becoming obsessed with the Icelandic spouter and mother nature’s ability to mess up a continent, we’re also going to try and use the word Eyjafjallajökull at every possible moment.
- The news that Fernando Torres is out for the rest of the season hurt us like a broken nail after a new manicure. The possibility that he could miss the World Cup was much more traumatic: more like running into an ex whilst shoving a jam doughnut down your gob and wearing your “laundry day” house clothes. With a pimple the size of Eyjafjallajökull. And a pair of knickers falling out of the bottom of your laundry day trousers as you gallantly walk past.
- Luckily, there’s still hope Nando will make it to South Africa. Thank Eyjafjallajökull.
- It was a helluvan exciting weekend of footy. Manchester United showed everyone they are not going down without a fight, with a win over City in the derby. (They also showed everyone they can take man love to heights bigger than… oh, you know where we’re going with this so let’s just stop.)
Weekend Results: Shirtless And Of Short Tent
It’s been a mad shirtless and short tent weekend, ladies, and nowhere more so than in Portsmouth. Avram Grant’s side topped off a totally ridiculous season (unpaid wages, insolvency, this) by getting relegated from the EPL and then going to Wembley and qualifying for the FA Cup final. Goal scorer Kevin-Prince Boeteng (above) was pleased, and we were equally satisfied as Frank Lampard stripped off following Chelsea’s win over Aston Villa. For their efforts, we’re renaming the FA Cup final the ‘Chest Championship’. Join our campaign, won’t you?
Yoann Gourcuff: Needs No Introduction From Us
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