'Match Results' Category

Champions League Observations, Pt I: A Frustrating Night For Footwear

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Mario Gomez curses the deceptively flat bit of grass that caused him to miss an open goal. Luckily for Bayern, he made up for it later. Image: JOHN MACDOUGALL/AFP/Getty Images.

Last night, Cristiano Ronaldo’s poor performance vs. Bayern Munich was blamed on thieves who stole three pairs of his boots from the dressing room at the Allianz Arena prior to kick-off. Mesut Ozil and Karim Benzema also lost items in the heist but seemed less affected, seeking solace in each others arms when the trauma became to much to bear.

Ever the lone wolf, we can’t help but feel that if Cristiano was more familiar with the Kickette Code of Conduct, which basically requires an individual to habitually leave expensive footwear on public transport and in dumpsters on a night out, he would have coped with the situation more effectively.

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Weekend Results: Crossing The Line

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This is moments away from becoming pornographic. Anyone got any further footage? We’ll pay. Image: AFP PHOTO/PATRIK STOLLARZ.

We’ve got no time for pleasantries, just straight up action for today, Kickettes.

Same as when we’re on a date.

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Midweek Results: It’s All Kicking Off

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Crowing over a broken man. Leave that stuff to the experts, Neven Subotic. We have it covered. Image: CHRISTOF STACHE/AFP/Getty Images.

It would suit our work/relaxation ratio much better if league-changing events were restricted to the weekend.

Sadly, it seems that no one cares about this apart from us.

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Easter Weekend Results: Vulgar (But Hot) Displays Of Power

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Whether to your liking or not, Kickettes, several clubs reasserted their dominance over their respective leagues this weekend.

Your failure to recover from the extended Easter break enough to read about them is aided by today’s Weekend Results roundup.

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Easter Monday: Poppin’ Corks & Calories

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Image: REUTERS/Russell Cheyne.

Congratulations to Celtic, who clinched the SPL title on Saturday with a 6-0 victory at Kilmarnock. While we’re offering a big ole clap to the Bhoys for using the world’s largest bottle of bubbly to celebrate, we expect it’ll be returned to us soon. Preferably in the (relatively) pristine condition in which they stole it from us.

Ed Note: We haven’t fully recovered from the two dozen salted caramel Millionaire’s Shortbread treats that we devoured on Easter Sunday, which means full weekend results will follow tomorrow. Cheers for the stretch pants sympathy, Kickettes.