Approaching now from a north-easterly direction we have Flight PK01 from Barcelona. All passengers, please fasten your seatbelts, there may be some impact damage upon landing. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
We realise that you may be feeling the first effects of footie excitement withdrawal already. Serie A, the Bundesliga and now La Liga have all been decided, the EPL is all but Manchester United’s and as for Ligue 1… well, okay. We have no clue what the hell is going on there.
But that’s the point, y’see! With so much left to come, you don’t have time to worry about petty issues such as league matches. There’s still the small issues of the Champions League final, the FA Cup final, the Coppa Italia final, the transfer window and of course, the most important part of the football season; Footballers On Holiday!
This fact alone is worth a celebratory conga. So shimmy with us through the Midweek Results and catch up with all the news. No stragglers at the back, please.
Whether we’re still reeling from the departure of Fernando ‘Freckles’ Torres, mourning the absence of sofa-bound and groin strained Stevie G or we’re simply so shallow that we only concentrate on teams that look pretty and are doing well (the very thought!), we must confess that haven’t been paying much attention to Liverpool FC of late.
While our attention has been firmly focused on the players’ training antics at Melwood, the squad has been battling against the tantalising weight of securing a magical 4th place, Champions League qualifying spot. Recently, Maxi Rodriguez scored two hat-tricks in three games and Dirk Kuyt has equalled John Aldridge’s record of five goals in five consecutive games. As is always the case, this all went down while we were looking the other way. Soz.
Fill us in on your predictions, EPL fans. Will Liverpool’s late surge towards the top of table sustain its momentum long enough to bring these lads back into our Midweek Results mix next season? Do you believe Pepe Reina has finally found his ear plucking form?
And perhaps, more importantly, who here can afford the most expensive gift from Harrods? You’ll be hard pressed to find a better bribe to convince us to care about the Europe League in 2011-2012.
‘Dad? Dad? Are we nearly there yet?! Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
No amount of placing one’s hands over one’s ears and making loud, discordant and frankly upsetting noises can disguse the fact that we are hurtling towards the end of the football season at an alarming rate. We know, we’ve spent the last month doing it and the only thing that we have achieved is a complaint from the neighbours.
If you have trouble facing reality too, please lose yourself in our Weekend Results post, a pleasure with a limited time frame now. Sob.
Atsuto Uchida and Darron Gibson compete for a place in the Thursday Thigh Off. Darron edges it here for us, but we’ll be keeping a close eye on Atsuto for you. Images: AP Photo/Getty Images/Daylife.
That’s it then. Formalities over, we now have the teams who will be lining up at Wembley on May 28th for the Champions League Final. Barcelona, who qualified on Tuesday night via a 3-1 aggregate win over Real Madrid, will face Manchester United, who strolled past Schalke last night with an aggregate score of 6-1. Kudos boys.
For neutrals and die-hards alike, this is a fixture to prepare for. We have already placed our orders for supplies to see us through the build-up (white wine, cookies and stress balls), the match itself (flaming sambucas, hotdogs, a TV with decent “zoom” and “pause” capabilities) and post match analysis (green tea, dry toast, a darkened room), so Kickette readers can be assured that our coverage will be second to none.**
For now, tell us what you will be doing on the day. We’ll use the time to work out how we’re going to keep all this booze safe for the best part of three weeks and stop the interns stealing it. They’re like that, y’know.
**Okay, so most websites won’t wait 36 hours to publish their postmortem, and will definitely include some level of tactical analysis. But they won’t have superior shots of the players’ short tents, now will they?!
Image Credit: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images Europe.
While there’s still much for us to discuss re: the Barcelona/Real Madrid CL tie since our last recap, we’ve elected to keep things short and sweet this time around.
Why? Mainly because we have bigger and better things on our plates. Like photoshopping our new Finest Five together, for example.
And so, we’d like to congratulate the Barca boys for making it to Wembley. We imagine the Catalans will be lounging comfortably on their lush Italian leather sectionals this evening as they eagerly await the result of the Schalke 04 v. Manchester United return tie. As you may recall, United have two crucial away goals in their clutches, but it definitely ain’t over until the fat lady belts her bluesy tunes.
Now, on to more important issues: would you agree that Leo Messi is picking while Xavi Hernández is scratching/rubbing? And what was with the poor man’s pitch-invading version of Where’s Waldo last night?
Both scenes are making us uncomfortable. And slightly jealous.
Image: David Ramos/Getty Images Europe.