Stuey Holden. Kickette Secret Agent. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Today’s Weekend Results post contains a photograph that may cause paralysis/hysteria/unpleasant explosions among a certain demographic of Kickette soldier girls and boys. Many will remain impervious to the effects but the ramifications of exposure to the few could have a lasting affect over the whole community. We recommend precautionary measures should be taken by all.
Image: Getty Images.
Good afternoon, people, and welcome to the second edition of the revamped Kickette ‘Midweek Results’.
Yes, we did it! Two weeks in a ruddy row!!
Roma’s Totti kicks things off for us with a full shirt-removal-and-swing. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
With Barcelona, AC Milan and Borussia Dortmund dominating their respective leagues, our wildly imaginative writers are running out of superlatives. Desperate times call for us taking umbrage in the form of a hastily written and strongly-worded memo, which each league is now in receipt of as we seek to come to a joint resolution on the matter.
We also grumbled about the lack of skin on show as of late, and are pleased to report that many clubs have already embraced our directive with enthusiasm.
Anton Hysen: great Week, great guns. via myspace
The weekend starts here, people. Prepare yourself by ‘boning up’ on the hot issues from this week’s headlines.
-Out n’ about: Utsiktens BK player Anton Hysen announced that he is gay during an interview with Offside magazine. If you’re a Kickette soldier boy, this is great news as Anton (left, with Victoria Beckham and a man in a frightening anorak) has abs to die for. If you are a Kickette soldier girl, why the hell didn’t you spot this hot puppy before?! You, like us, should be ashamed.
- Shooting Stars: It has been reported that Ashley Cole is unlikely to face charges for the alleged shooting of an intern at Chelsea’s training ground. Or, in other words, a man who cannot operate a device as innocuous as a mobile phone without causing mayhem and misery is now free to bear arms. Oh dear.
- Silver Linings: Jessica Lawlor has leapt to the defence of hubby Steven Ireland, who recently made the statement that he ‘would rather shoot himself’ than live in his hometown of Cork. Residents shouldn’t be too sad though. Steven’s taste in home decor implies he may not be the best person to judge (left).
Image: AP Photo/Martin Meissner.
After numerous staff meetings, a broken window and two arrests (yes, it was the Kellys; no, they haven’t made bail) the Kickette staff have taken a collective deep breath and launched themselves into the unknown.
In response to your apparently voracious interest in our Weekend Results posts, we are going to attempt to make a permanent feature of our somewhat sporadic Midweek Results posts. This will involve rounding up European and Champions League fixtures plus any other business (Cups & whatnot) that we feel you should be aware of. At present we have no plans to cover Europa League games on the basis of:
A) The vast number of them involving teams we’ve never heard of;
B) The Thursday night kick-offs interfering with happy hour at our local bar.
If you complain enough, we may reconsider.
Furthermore, we anticipate teething problems and glaring omissions in the first few weeks, but we would hate to depart from our usual modus operandi and appear too efficient. You might not recognise us.
Tell us what you think, peeps!