Is this the most perfect photo in the history of football? For our purposes, yes. Yes, it is. (Image: Getty Images/Zimbio)
Regardless of your club affiliations, you have to admit that it was a cracking few days of football.
No? Oh, come on. Just try. For us.
While you may be rueing missed opportunities, dodgy refereeing decisions or the inconsistency of the form tables, you have to admit this weekend’s results from the EPL, Serie A and Ligue 1 have blown the respective title races wide open. With vital fixtures in the Champions League still to come, plus league cups and the inevitable scandals that players are obliged to involve themselves in, we are stocking up on popcorn for a fab couple of months of footie.
No? Alright. Be like that then.
Image: REUTERS/Eddie Keogh.
We’re reluctant to admit this, but that magic lamp we sunk our social life savings into last year may be on its last leg. At least, that’s the only fathomable explanation we surmised for yesterday’s lack of shirtless action.
To err is human, but where there was no midsection skin, there was plenty of short tents – breathing renewed life into our relentless pursuit of identifying Chelsea’s phenomenal kit material. If someone can send us the appropriate thread counts of polyester (or other normally non-flattering fabrics), our petition for the Barclay’s Premier League will be near complete.
So, Kickettes, was your preferred match day liquor served in several shot glasses, a chalice that was modified for decorative purposes or a guzzle-as-you-go tumbler during last night’s Chelsea/Manchester United game?
Image: REUTERS/Eddie Keogh.
Seriously, we’re starting to feel persecuted now. It’s hard enough to keep track of the Weekend Results as it is, without the English FA continually running interference in the form of League Cup finals in the middle of an EPL fixtures schedule. Apparently there was some sort of movie awards thing going on, too. Sigh.
The chance of us getting through this post without confusion arising is diminishing by the second. Please be aware of this and we can limit the unpleasantness to a dull roar.
Form a queue, please. The delegation of pretty has arrived at the Gerland Stadium. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
We thrive on the kind of excitement generated by last weeks’ Champions League results. It’s like a drug to us. But we have to say, the fact that this week’s fixtures were largely bereft of on pitch punch-ups, nudity and sofa bottoms has been something of a bonus.
You see, we have been preparing for last night’s conjunction of comely ever since the fixture schedule was announced. Any distraction from the sight of Yoann Gourcuff and Xabi Alonso jostling for position on the same pitch would have been a shattering blow to our collective libido.
The relief is palpable.
Feast your eyes for a few, Kickettes, then meander with us as we throw a cursory glance over the games. It’s implied that we take no responsibility for punishment meted out by bosses due to lack of productivity caused by persistent perving. It’s not our fault you can’t control yourselves.
Roma’s Marco Borriello. Yes, unfortunately we are this shallow. (Image: AP Photo/Daylife)
We usually like to come up with some sort of witty intro to the Weekend Results, mostly to make the subject matter appear more exciting, but also to enable you to slip comfortably and easily into post as you might a hot bath. Unfortunately, we only have limited wit reserves and we’ve pretty much used it all in the post, leaving us with nothing to say. Hopefully, the photo of Marco Borriello above will distract the majority of you from this crapness.
If not, we’ve put a picture of a topless Phil Neville further down to ease your pain. Enjoy!