Hands up if you want to appear naked in the Kickette 2011 Calender, please. Ahem. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
For those of us who spent Sunday gathered around the television in anticipation of the ‘Most Exciting Day of Football Since Records Began™’, derby day in the EPL proved to be something of a damp squib. Apparently, we should have been watching on Saturday where excitement and intrigue abounded.
But we were shopping. Duh. If the authorities could sort it out so our entertainment is not impeded by our pathological need to acquire goods, we would be happy.
In the meantime, here are the European highlights in full, for those of you also beholden to consumerism. We love you, you see.
Will it be Real Madrid’s soft and gentle ‘inner cow’ or Barca’s vile, upsetting ‘leopard feet of doom’ approach that triumphs in La Liga this season? We can’t wait to find out! (Getty Images/Daylife)
With France and Germany still basking in the delights of their winter break, and the EPL paused in favour of the FA Cup, the Weekend Results have a bit of a different shape about them this week. In fact, it’s ruddy mayhem.
We suggest an espresso, two brownies and an emergency hipflask be obtained before you even think about entering the fray.
Apparently, they missed each other too. Bless! (Getty Images/Daylife)
Has something been missing from your life over the last few weeks? Have you found your mind drifting to thoughts of designer stubble, flying helmets, pigtails and inappropriately over the top displays of manlove while you’re idly choosing yet another choccie from the selection box you ‘liberated’ from an elderly and slightly infirm family member?
We have. And thankfully, now, our agony (and that of our grandparents) is over. Last night, Serie A kicked off for the first games of 2011 and in honour of this event we have decided to kick convention to the kerb and bring you a special results roundup.
NOTE: Any enthusiasm for this exciting new burst of efficiency at Kickette Towers should probably be tempered slightly. Although we appear to be incredibly on the ball this week, this is merely post-hangover enthusiasm. It will run out soon enough, and the ineptitude and tardiness you have come to expect from us will be fully restored.
Followers of the EPL were stunned last night as a series of explosive events rocked the league during the midweek fixtures. These explosive events, occurring in cities across England between 8pm and 9.45pm (local time) have blasted huge holes in the title expectations of many top sides and left players and officials shocked and bewildered.
Unlike the French, German, Spanish and Italian leagues, who are civilised enough to stop playing over the festive period, the EPL has been going strong in our absence. While we consider this rude, we are prepared to forgive on the grounds that if the games hadn’t been played, we would not have been able to enjoy the full benefit of Asamoah Gyan’s goal celebration (above) and here, after he scored in Sunderland’s 3-0 win over Blackburn Rovers on the 1st January. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
This win was especially handy for Steve Bruce’s side who were coming off the back of two 2-0 defeats to Manchester United and Blackpool. They are now in sixth place in the table, but if clubs received extra points for exotic dance on the pitch, they would definitely be top.