'Match Results' Category

Weekend Results: Goal Faces & Farces


David Villa: Goal celebration or sex face? We’re going with the latter, natch. Getty Images/Daylife

Apologies for our absence on Friday, activities were suspended due to the Kickette staff’s attendance of a team building exercise. The weekend, undertaken with the idea of maximising our ability to provide you with exciting, informative posts, involved hiking, building shelters, crossing rivers and lots of mud, all things we were totally prepared to do in the name of our art.

Unfortunately one of our number refused to get off the bus as she found out there were no shops within a 50 mile radius. We were forced to de-camp to the local five star hotel for manicures and meditation.

Still. We tried. Allow us to make it up to you with the Weekend Results.


Kickette Academy: Score Two For Us


Manchester United’s star striker. The other one is in Dubai having chicken nuggets. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

We would be delighted to take this opportunity to bask in the reflected glory of Javier ‘Chicharito’ Hernandez. You see, we identified this bubba early as a potential winner in a Manchester United shirt; granted not in the traditional footballing sense, but it all counts.

Cheech has now scored six goals in his first eleven appearances for the club, including two in last weeks EPL game against Stoke City and the winner last night in United’s narrow 3-2 victory over Wolverhampton Wanderers in the League Cup.

Need further proof of our astonishing headhunting powers? The first goal in the same game was scored by Bebe, another alumnus of the Kickette Academy of Baby Ballers. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

Pat yourselves on the back, Kickettes. Long may our successful identification of footie hotties prospects continue!

The rest of the League Cup results can be found here.

The Monday Mmm: David Beckham


Image via  (Zimbio/Getty)

By fulfilling all the criteria we require in a perfect footballer, David Beckham is the marker that all other players should be striving to reach.


Weekend Results: Totally On Message


Mario Gomez: Allowing Kickette staff to get their priorities right since 1985.

Now you see, it’s days like this we really come into our own. Considering the high scores, controversial sendings off and returns to form this weekend has brought forth, any ordinary football website would lead with a dull action photo of a tackle, a red card or one of Cristiano’s goal celebrations.

Not us, though. We’re going to lead this episode of the Weekend Results with a picture of a man whose team are currently eleventh in the Bundesliga and ground out a 0-0 draw with Hamburg. Yup, it’s Mario Gomez and his thighs. Does our temerity not rock?!


Champions League Results: Hat Tricks & Home Boys


Gareth Bale & Javier Zanetti kindly assume the position for the Thigh Off. (Getty Images/Daylife)

A future candidate for the famed Kickette Sizzle Query, Gareth Bale is no stranger to confounding footballing opinion. Last night, Bale, who played in twenty four games for Spurs without being on the winning side, scored a hat trick to drag his team back from 4-0 down against title holders Inter Milan at the San Siro.

Bale is now the subject of fevered transfer speculation. However, our sources close to the player say he is completely focussed on the Kickette readers verdict on his er… performance. Don’t let him down, team.