'MLS' Category

Easter Weekend Results: Vulgar (But Hot) Displays Of Power

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Whether to your liking or not, Kickettes, several clubs reasserted their dominance over their respective leagues this weekend.

Your failure to recover from the extended Easter break enough to read about them is aided by today’s Weekend Results roundup.

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Perplexed Players: You Need Some Help With That, Honey?

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“So what you’re essentially telling me is that these fancy electronic shoes only work if I shave my legs?” Fulham’s Pavel¬†Pogrebnyak puzzles over the instructions for his new miCoach boots.

Much was made of Mario Balotelli’s failure to control a bib last season, but were we being unfair to Super Mario by singling him out for his hilarious ineptitude? Is he really the only footballer player who struggles with the simplest of every day tasks?

A brief glance around the leagues suggests not.

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Steven Lenhart & Chris Wondolowski: Chivalrous In Cold Conditions

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Image via twitter.

We’d like to offer a big thank you on behalf of women everywhere to Chris Wondolowski and Steven Lenhart of the San Jose Earthquakes. Prior to their game against FC Toronto last Saturday, these two knights in blue jackets selflessly put their own body temperatures at risk, just so their mascots didn’t freeze their pretty lil’ behinds off during the national anthems.

To the gentlemen of Kickette, our advice is to do as they’ve done and not as your mates say. Because what all women really want is for you to provide them with warmth.

Especially in the bedroom, when extra blankets are at stake.

The Sizzle Query: Mixed Doubles

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Blackburn Rovers’ Martin & Marcus Olsson with Cedrick from K.R.A.C.K United in Kenya last summer. Image via krackunited.com.

We would never ask you to do something we’re not prepared to do ourselves. And while this is an obvious opportunity for all of us to waffle on about what we would do if presented with not one, but two, cute boys and a large bucket of peanut butter, it’s not compulsory to sign up to our pervy peculiar brand of eccentricity.

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Weekend Results: Queries & Revisionist Theories

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Boca was one of three players sent off during a particularly feisty Old Firm derby¬†yesterday. The ref obviously hadn’t received our memo about keeping players with hot thighs on the pitch regardless of crap tackling ability. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Quick, get us an iced latte and a muscular midfielder, stat!

We don’t have to explain why, just someone please do it.

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