'MLS' Category

On Our Radar: Lance Parker, FC Edmonton

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Lance Parker cleans up

Mmmm, Tuesday’s looking up isn’t it? Images via Greg in Hollywood.

We’ve been jonesing for brand spankin’ new (and naive) man meat to profile on our humble little site, and boy did our wishing, hoping and bartering with God pay off!

Allow us to introduce you to Lance Parker and his abs, who both play for FC Edmonton in the North American Soccer League. Unfortunately he’s still a bit of a mystery on Google, but so far we know he’s a 26-year-old goalkeeper from Oklahoma City (aka a southern midwestern gentleman?) and previously played in the MLS for Chivas USA between ’08-’09. On top of all that, he’s very comfortable sans clothing, has been known to woo women with Frank Sinatra songs and makes us wanna bust out the pom poms and pop, lock and drop it in his honour.

Last we heard, this poor little lamb had a broken arm. Give us a call, Lance. We’ll send you a gaggle of our finest readers (who will be chaperoned by yours truly) to tend to your needs.

For more nummy nakedness, keep scrolling.

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Back In Business: Thierry Henry & Paul Scholes

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Oh no he didn’t! Thierry Henry confounds the sceptics and scores on his second debut for Arsenal. Image: Clive Mason/Getty Images Europe.

You couldn’t make this stuff up, could you? But from the moment Thierry Henry appeared on the Emirates pitch for Arsenal’s warm-up last night, the cheers of the crowd and the player’s delight suggested something awesome was about to occur. Even his ex-wife (and mother of his only child, daughter Tea), Claire Merry, tweeted her excitement at Titi’s return.

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Transfer Totty: An Early Window Shopping Update

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Federico Macheda has been confounding our corneas again, this time with a lime green/blue hoop combo. Nice! Image: Scott Heavey/Getty Images.

The January transfer window has been flung open once again and after the excitement of last year, we thought a reasonably thorough look at the early hip dip movers and rump shakers was needed.

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Tick Tock: Time Wasting For Holiday Clock Watchers

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Cheers to Rebecca for the tip!

Saturday is taking its sweet ass time to get here, a fact of life we can’t deal with right now.

So screw work and take in these midday entertainment treats with us:

1. Tottenham Tadpoles Want You To Stand By Them

What you’ve heard about grown women in their pajamas being virtually serenaded by boys half their ages is true.

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Good Week/Bad Week: Buffoonery & Bitchfacing

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Don’t be misled, people. Despite Marco Borriello’s innovative approach to legwear, Roma’s Christmas party was not fancy dress. Luckily, other players performed marginally better in the fash stakes, as you can see here. Image via tumblr.

The party spirit has certainly overwhelmed Marco Borriello in this photo, and we must confess to spending a little too much time practicing for our own ‘do this week, too. This was despite David Villa’s busted leg, Nico Kranjcar’s attempt at hobo-chic and Guti’s experiments in facial hair ruining everyone’s good mood.

Heaven knows what next week will bring.

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