'MLS' Category

Up Close & Very Personal: Kevin Hartman, FC Dallas


Would anyone care to argue against the case that Patrick Nyarko (No. 14) of the Chicago Fire has the best seat in the damn house? We thought not. Image: Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images North America.

MLS Update: Breaking Geographical Boundaries


Amobi Okugo of the Philadelphia Union. Toned, isn’t he? Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images North America.

The United States of America is not in Europe. We now know this because when we delivered last week’s international break story as a solid excuse for not writing up the MLS results this week, we got shot down. Apparently the USMNT game vs. Honduras last week was not a Euro 2012 qualifier.

Who knew?!

So here’s a brief rundown of what took place in the MLS over the weekend. You can read it while we try to figure out how to work this Google Maps thing.


Portland Timbers: Fashion Forward For EarthTec


YouTube Preview Image

Having burned out our frontal lobes (and our lines of credit) in New York, London, Milan and Paris recently, we gulped when another video entitled ‘Fashion Week’ landed on our mousemats. Our nerves were no less frayed when we realised that said video was prefixed with the word ‘Portland’.

But don’t panic, Kickettes. For this ‘Fashion Week’ vid features Portland Timber’s players Mike Chabala, Rodney Wallace and Sal Zizzo espousing the virtues of environmentally friendly lifestyle clothing by EARTHTEC, while simultaneously interviewing models and mostly (4.41) looking manly and hot.

Your purses should remain unmolested.

MLS Results: A Gesture Of Goodwill


New England Revolution sported pink throughout their 2-1 defeat to Seattle Sounders in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. We think Diego Fagundez looked particularly pretty, don’t you? Image: Elsa/Getty Images.

Would it help if we said that we really want to make an MLS results round-up a regular part of our website?

That we talk about it fairly regularly?

That sometimes, when we’re not too busy arguing, cooing over boys or ignoring each other in favour of cake, we even have time to produce a really good one, but we’re incapable of doing it on a regular basis?

Thought not. Please take this as a gesture of goodwill then, with a weak promise that we’ll shoot for the stars and most likely miss next time.


Landon Donovan: Showing Off The Goods


LA Galaxy's Landon Donovan

LA Galaxy’s Landon Donovan hiked up his shorts and showed off his plump derriere while getting a rub down from a trainer before nabbing a 2-1 victory over RSL on Saturday. Ahem, how do we apply for the lotion rubbing job? Looks like Landycakes wasn’t the only one in an exhibitionist mood, David Beckham gave us a full frontal treat for the eyes. Image via Bauer Griffin.