'MLS' Category

You Ogle, We Oblige: Juan Agudelo, New York Red Bulls


Juan Agudelo has proved to be a point of interest for Kickette readers recently. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

Welcome to an exciting new feature on Kickette, in which we avail our wider readership of a delectable lump of man meat they may have missed, but who has been the subject of debate in the comments section recently. This works for us, as instead of having to actually look for real stories, we just trawl the comments for likely candidates.

So we’ll probably make it regular.

Of course, Juan Agudelo has appeared on our pages before – when he very kindly removed his shirt during a USMNT game – but basically we forgot about him until you lot started waffling about him yesterday. And we found this picture of his tent from the game vs. FC Dallas.

Well, hello there, Juan…

Landon Donovan: Do You Miss Him?


No, you’re not having ice cream with sprinkles until after the game. M’kay? Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Kickettes? It has become evident in recent weeks that we are not paying enough attention to Landon Donovan. The LA Galaxy and USMNT midfielder tends to be overshadowed by his prettier and taller (see above) team mates and in lieu of having anything newsworthy to write about, we have decided that we must immediately conduct an investigation into Landon’s recent activities to find out whether we’ve missed anything particularly manly or interesting.

Please. Join us.


Omar Bravo: He Started It…


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Please enjoy the above video of Sporting Kansas City player Omar Bravo, who, during his side’s fixture vs. Seattle Sounders at the weekend, instigated amusing scenes of mayhem and thespian collapse when his two footed tackle on Pat Noonan received a red card.

We won’t spoil the rest of it for you - suffice to say that the poor challenge was just the beginning for Omar, who, upon review of the footage, probably would agree that he should have left the pitch when instructed to do so by the referee.

It would’ve saved a lot of embarrassment, we feel.

David Beckham: Bootylicious Bodywork


Dear Kickette Army Loyalists,

Enclosed please find two pieces of photographic evidence for your review: David Beckham working out his bubble bum from this past weekend; the father of four’s post-match scowl + latest ink work (which is his cuddly newborn daughter’s name scrawled across his clavicle).

At your earliest convenience, we kindly request the results of your Hit-Piece Quotient reports.


Kickette HQ

Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet



- Francesco Totti was spotted soaking wet, in a bulge cupper on an Italian beach. Just how God intended it (PS – his wife and kids were there too).

- We gave a warm chorizo welcome to Chelsea’s latest transfer signing, Oriol Romeu. Don’t be shy in your hellos, Kickettes, he doesn’t bite*.

- Did you get a good look at the Montreal Impact’s new logo? You like?

- Cheaters never win. And in USMNT member Eddie Johnson’s case, the same can be said for his rental whip.

*We have no real way of verifying this.