Which weekend stories do you need to know about? Find ‘em in our attempt to topline the past two days’ news in two sentence or less.
- In a new advert for the Renault Clio car, NY Red Bulls’ footballer Thierry Henry spied on burlesque babe Dita Von Teese as she took her clothes off. He works hard for the money, we see.
- We told you as soon as our toast was digested about The Sun‘s exclusive story about The Beckhams having a baby girl. Vicky’s keeping mum on the news, but we’re still planning Little Lady Beckham’s potential play dates anyway.
- Marco Materazzi told the hosts of Chiambretti Night that he’s really a nice guy, and hardly a “bad boy” as the Italian press has long wanted us to believe.
While snoods have been must have fashion accessory for footballers this season, it seems that the sudden requirement for throat warmth is not confined to the pitch. Yes people, scarves are the new manbag, and festooning oneself with varying lengths of woolly or shiny (or in some horrifying cases, both) material is really catching on over on Planet Baller.
Oh, there will be barbed comments, flying karate kicks, illegal ball handling and an unhealthy interest in seabirds in New York City soon, people. No, the Kickette staff are not heading to NY for another ‘brainstorming while drunk’ session, although the above descriptors can and do apply.
Like us, we are certain you like to ease into Monday morning cautiously, utilising espresso, muffins and photos of Marco Borriello naked. Anything more controversial than this sends us into a hissy fit which might potentially inhibit our capacity for football related witticisms for the entire week.
You will understand our horror then, when this (above) confronted us upon arrival at the couture clad, champagne stained den of iniquity we like to call Kickette HQ. It’s Chris Pontius with a porn ‘stache.
DD no longer stands for ‘designated driver’; rather, its ‘Donovan Divorces’. Image: Getty Images.
We’re losing steam, Kickettes, and fast. Finding the will to populate your lives and computer screens with the latest and greatest in gossip – in addition to hobnobbing with all of our BFFs at the numerous holiday functions that our livers are kicking us for – has left us exasperated.
What’s more: our candy bowl has somehow jumped ship AND the reserve stash of Twinkies/Jaffa Cakes usually safeguarded in our top drawers for emergency/haveyouseenthefirstphotosofLeoTorres?!?!/weneedtofindourspiritualzensasap moments has gone AWOL.
So, not only are we atypically bitchy this morning, but we’re hungry and sleep-deprived, too.
Nonetheless, when there is news, there is a way – and there’s some good case studies in football coupledom coming up for us all to over-analyze.
First up is Landon Donovan, who officially filed for divorce from his wife Bianca Kajlich 10 days ahead of their 4th wedding anniversary.
Ho ho ho.