'MLS' Category

The Tuesday Torso: Santino Quaranta, D.C. United


D. C. United aren’t messing about, Kickettes. Our declaration that the New York Redbulls were the hottest team in the MLS obviously went down like a lead balloon filled with unattractive, poor people.

Santino Quaranta is not taking this lying down. (Well, if he is taking it lying down, he’s doing situps at the same time.) This photo was snapped during a photo shoot for Farinelli’s, and we likey. We likey very much.

Added bonus: the ever-sexy Chris Pontius doing his best Zoolander.

Well played, D.C. Well played.

Link: Santino Quaranta – Soccer & Shadows

Drumroll, Please: Our New ‘Best Looking MLS Team’ Award Goes To…


Images: Mike Stobe/Getty Images North America.

…The New York Redbulls! Ta-da!

Sure, we’re notoriously fickle, but with the addition of Rafa Marquez to the roster yesterday, we think New York’s least-known sports team saw its sizzle quotient double overnight.

Exceeding the organization’s 2010 goal of expanding their facial and body aesthetics categories by 25%, Rafa Marquez brings the pose power to join up with existing moderate-to-above average rating of Thierry Henry and Juan Pablo Angel.

Keep it up, boys, and just maybe some Kickettes will visit you in Harrison, NJ and send us proof that they rode public transport to get there.

D.C. United, we eagerly await your comeback to this raised totty standard.

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet


With the last lingering players returning from their well-deserved summer breaks, this Monday’s gossip cheat sheet is heavier on the match results than normal. Never fear, though, we come bearing light blue bulge to make amends.


- Two former Real Madrid comrades,  Christoph Metzelder and Raul, celebrated their new team’s (Schalke) win over Hamburg SV and another old teammate, Ruud van Nistelrooy, in Gelsenkirchen, Germany. [AP Photo/Martin Meissner].

Fernando Torres in Formentara- Fernando Torres + daughter Nora + broke down Range Rover = sadface. [Images: Facebook.com].

- Ligue 1 side, Marseille, captured the first (thankless) trophy of the 2010 – 2011 season.

- Inter Milan trained with their base layers on before traveling from NYC to Philly in style-lacking fashion. The same could not be said about Barcelona’s pre-season training accommodations.

- Manchester United’s Anderson survived a fireball car crash. WTF? Glad he’s okay.


Night Out: Landon Donovan At Boa In Santa Monica


Let’s overlook the fact that Landon Donovan looks like a middle-aged man shopping for cheese sprays in the supermarket and instead appreciate his nice thigh-game in those jeans, yes?

On Tour: Striking A Pose At The Space Station


Despite being surrounded by the most sophisticated technology in the modern world, Edwin Van Der Saar (Man Utd), Shalrie Joseph (New England Revolution) and Giggsy (Man Utd) struggle not to snigger at the fact that the image behind them looks a bit like a large penis. Image via Reuters.