'Player News' Category

Joey Barton: Hero, Villain, Thinker, Thug & Now British GQ Style Cover Boy

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Image: GQ-magazine.co.uk.

Napoli Players Advised To Avoid Injuries By Practising Abstinence

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Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

Kickettes, please enjoy this tale of a smart person talking out of his arse who we predict will live to regret it:

“Avoiding sexual activity for two days before a game is fundamental to prevent muscular strains, contractions or inflammations,” Professor Alfonso De Nicola told Corriere del Mezzogiorno.

First of all, promoting abstinence as a means to ward off injuries? Please. ‘Ballers are skanks and so are the many women that walk amongst them.

Secondly professor, this is the 21st century. Although most players have no tact, which is why we love them so dearly, you’d be surprised to learn just how many own a device called a webcam.

Good try though.

The Sizzle Query: Suffering Cesc

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He’s suffering, not sad, apparently. Like we’re supposed to know what the difference is between the two these days.

But anyway, is it weird that we’re a bit turned on by down-in-the-dumps yet cleanly shaven (with the saddest of sad puppy dog eyes to boot) Cesc?

Or, to put it another way if we must, do you find suffering Cescy?

‘Baller In Blue: Alessandro Del Piero Signs With Sydney FC

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Read more about the Juventus icon’s move down under here. Image: PA.

Career Drama: Cristiano Ronaldo Is Sad

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Some things in life make you feel secure. Satellite television. Owning 16 times the amount of shoes you might ever need. A milky cup of tea. Cristiano Ronaldo and his well-matured thighs cheerily stretching on the practice pitch to our heart’s content. We need these things to survive.

So when CR7 drops somewhat of a bombshell to the Spanish press claiming he haz a sad that’s preventing us from seeing him semi-clad, we’ve got a serious problem on our hands.

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