'Player News' Category

Matt Jarvis Now Plays For West Ham (Like It Even Matters)

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News of this former Wolverhampton player’s transfer merely affords us another excuse to share his finely toned torso with you all.

Good Week/Bad Week: Thighs, Sighs & Other Guys

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#welcomebasti #nowtakeyourpantsoff

It’s Friday! In between planning our weekends, panicking about our hair and looking at pictures of Prince Harry in the nude, we wrote this for you.

There may be typos. We’ve burned our eyes on the scandal of it all.

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Crocked: Yoann Gourcuff

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Images: OLWeb.

Time for us to add another name to our treatment table queue, Kickettes: Monsieur Gourcuff.

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André-Pierre Gignac: Like, Whoa

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Was Mr Gignac resorting to new opponent-eating lows during the Ligue 1 offseason that we’ve only realised now? Did he take a bite out of Yoann Gourcuff – who surely tastes like a delicious cheesecake type dessert – when no one was looking? Kickettes, what in the hell has happened to the Marseille man since we last saw him six months ago? Image: GERARD JULIEN/AFP/GettyImages.

Transfer Totty: Short & Sweeties

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Update: Espanyol completed the signing of Portuguese winger Simao Sabrosa from Turkish giants Besiktas yesterday; Daniele De Rossi confirmed this morning that he won’t fly the AS Roma coop for Man City, causing our eyes to well up in sentimental glee; and Luka Modric is/was isn’t reportedly in Madrid to finalize his move from Tottenham to the reining La Liga champions side.

In football fan terms: this is exciting, sensational stuff.

In Kickette terms: Simao and DDR are (still) hot while Modric is (still) not good-looking. Whatsoever. Real talk, Kickettes.