'Player News' Category

Smelling Good: Wayne Rooney



Our favourite hooligan looky-likey, Wayne Rooney, is launching a fragrance next year.

Apparently, Wayne caught the smelling good bug from girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin after watching the “Coleen X” perfume debut to great success earlier this year.

Rest assured though: WR-style fragrance may be chavtastic, but it won’t be soft.

It may come with a limited edition brass knuckle-duster and make a snarling sound when you open the box, but it won’t be for girly men.  A source was quoted as saying, “He likes this idea. But it certainly won’t be anything too poncy – he would never hear the end of it at United.“

Looking forward to smelling Non-Ponce in the new year.

Check out the London Paper’s version of After Chav.
Via Man U Pies

Capello’s In: WAGs Out?



Fabio Capello has been named as the new manager of the England squad.

Is he the right man for the job?  We have to admit, we were totally hanging on for Jose Mourinho to get the gig – at the very least we could have discussed the cut of his handmade suits whilst watching England lose.  And if not Mourinho, we would have happily taken Nancy Dell’Ollio. Now that would be some serious diamante-trimmed, leopard-skinned managressing going on.  She would have gotten JT’s partying antics under control in a jiffy, that’s fo’ sho.

Anyhoo, our major concern with Capello and his management style is that he’ll get tough with the lads and ban all WAG-related international activity.  We feel a cold chill of fear washing over our laptops at the thought, Kickettes. The glory days of 2006 are long gone and the drunk, table dancing lush with a designer bag filled with cash and a spare Bacardi Breezer could be heading for extinction.

Must go lie down.

Link: Does Capello Spell The End For The WAGs?

Man Utd’s Xmas Party: WAGs Not Invited


‘Tis the season of mile-long queues, fighting with grannies over the last tin of biscuits at M&S and the dreaded holiday party.  Good to know that whilst we’re getting trampled on Oxford Street by Xmas shoppers, someone out there is going to be enjoying themselves.


Like Manchester United, for example.  Their holiday party next week is looking rather scandalicious.  For a start, wives and girlfriends are strictly not invited. Nor is Sir Alex Ferguson.

Each player has put £4,000 in to the kitty, and once they’ve reached a reasonable level of dosh, Rio Ferdinand will be taking over the organization of events, which includes hiring a hottie-selector, whose sole existence on the payroll will be to source and choose a wide range of skanks, skeezoids and skeezy skanks for the night.


Randoms: Xmas Cuties and Booties



John and Toni Terry hit the Playhouse Disney Celebrity Christmas Party on the weekend.  On this we will say: holy delicious children, these twins are scrumptious puddings of coffee brown eyes and delectable designer gear. Please note the thigh high boots on Toni.  Undercover minx alert, Kickettes. Also, there were no other celebs at this thing, unless you count Victoria Beckham’s sister, Louise.  And we don’t.

Not sure about anyone else, but we’ve already eaten through days one to 24 in our traditional chocolate advent calendar. The lads at Fanbanta have a solution, albeit a less chocolatey one: the WAGvent Calendar. It’s festive, and boobalicious! Link: The WAG-vent Calendar

Father-to-be Ricardo Kaká has won the European Player of the Year award, over Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. Deserved? Or was C-Ron robbed? Didier Drogba came in fourth, proving yet again that terrible hair is never a true dictator of talent. Link: Kaka Wins European Player of the Year Award

An interesting ‘blind’ item in The Mirror of late: “Which premiership footballer slept with the mother of the girl who rejected him? The mum felt blue and branded him rubbish in bed.”

We hate having to use our brains for anything other than wardrobe co-ordination, but this one has got us in serious contemplation. Anyone getting a clue from the colour ‘blue’ in the clue?

Without Clothes: Ashley Young’s Game Prep


imageWe all have pre-match rituals, yes? 

For some, it may involve a bit of stretching, perhaps a quick listen to “Eye of the Tiger” in the iPod or a favourite pair of socks for luck.  Ashley Young’s pre-game tradition is a tad more tawdry and a lot more naked. 

Ashley’s been busted for winding and grinding his macho on a webcam for a girl named Sarah that he met in a chat room.  So, just to break this down in simple terms: he took his clothes off, did things to himself and signed off. Then he went to work.