'Player News' Category

Joe Cole Sets a Date, Rocks Out

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Joe Cole and his fiancée, Carly Zucker, have set a date for their wedding next year.

It falls the day before the Euro 2008 final. Interesting, as they set the date before Wednesday’s game that saw England eliminated from the competition.

Someone has a future on a psychic friends hotline, that’s for sure. But what would they have done had England made it to the finals? How could Joe be trusted to make the choice between his country and his beloved bedhead, Carly?

Even more interesting: is Steve McLaren responsible for saving their wedding? See, he can actually orchestrate a successful event.

Ah well, at least we can look forward to Carly’s wedding dress next June. We’re going to make an early call and predict it will have a special cut out panel for her six pack. There will be no fabric over the mid section, you can bet on that.

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Buh-Bye: The England Squad

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Oh, mighty England, why do you suck so very badly? 

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Euro 2008 will go on, but how will we? And more importantly, how will the WAGs? With England out of the tournament, will the designer fashion industry be able to sustain itself during those cold and lonely days? Travel-wear has given us the best WAG fashion moments of our lives, after all.

We’re beginning to accept that our relationship with the England boys borders on a dysfunctional one. Can anyone explain why we continue to believe in success, when there hasn’t been hope since the dinosaurs ruled the earth?  The 3-2 to Croatia loss this evening was a festive game of craptastic coaching on a pitch made for mud wrestling with a goalkeeper that we want to poke with a stick. 

Every single time, it’s a head shaking, champagne curdling, annoyance of a situation.

We’re calling abstinence on this one.  Or Oprah.

Frank Lampard: Socket Watcher

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Please take good note of Elen Rives facial expression. Frank Lampard’s fiancee appears to be working a gloat, no?

We’re going to hazard a guess it’s because Frank reportedly got a tad jealous of the attention Elen was receiving whist the two were out at a party this weekend. After Lamp’s shenanigans in Vegas, perhaps Elen is feeling coveted and glad she put the engagement ring back on.

Wait – before we continue, we just have to add that the party was for the launch of a makeup line.  Frank? Why are you there, mate?

Anyhoo, Frank didn’t like the flirt-vibes coming from Brendan Cole (one of the stars of Strictly Come Dancing), who was giving Elen the once-over at the bar.  Frank put his arm around Elen, pulled her closer and told Brendan to put his eyes back in his sockets.  Cut to an uncomfortable silence, with crickets chirping, before Brendan nodded.  Lamps then gave a ‘chuckle’.  And, scene.

Not sure if Frank’s chuckle was to break the tension or if it’s part of his Chelsea Man Cry of Warning.

We may never know; Elen’s skirt and belt combination were arrested for extensive fashion offenses shortly afterwards.

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pics courtesy of famous
Link: Lamps Rage at Dirty Dancer

Wayne Mows, Coleen Poles

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Wayne Rooney was allegedly asked recently to take part in a music video for the song Rock Star, by Canadian rock band, Nickelback.  One of the band members is a big Man U fan, and wanted Rooney on screen alongside the other guest stars (Kid Rock, Kiss, ZZ Top and Nelly Furtado).  Wayne turned the offer down – saying the music wasn’t to his liking.  A record company source explained: “He turned it down as he only listens to hip hop and thought it would be bad for his street cred.“ 

Question: wasn’t Wayne spotted at a Christina Aguilera concert a little while back?  Didn’t he used to be a Busted fan?  We’re down with Christina and all, but when was the last time she was rollin’ with the homies down Crenshaw? 

Coleen McLoughlin looks set to sign another massive book deal.  God willing, 2008 will be her year of the Booker. 

imageRemember her first book,Welcome To My World?  Those 336 pages of WAGtasticness just weren’t enough.  Not nearly.  Coleen’s doing another five books, this time fictional stories of adventure and fun-filled adventure having fun.  Every page guarantees to feature designer labels and lager.  Publishers Harper Collins will be paying her several million pounds for the privilege of having someone else ghostwrite the entire thing.

In other news, celeb rags are reporting that Coleen recently had a pole installed in her and Wayne’s mansion so that she can give her fiance a sexy birthday striptease. That sounds like absolute bollocks to us, but we love the idea of it.  We’re thinking she’d go with a canary yellow bustier with matching garter and a side ponytail, and her killer move will be some sort of corkscrew spin.  Wayne has apparently already treated himself to a

Misbehavin’: John Terry and the Learner Driver

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John Terry and his boys seem to have gotten themselves into a bit of drunken trouble late Sunday night – and Mr. Terry might be interviewed by police as a result.

At the witching hour of 4.15 am, the England captain and Chelsea star was out with a group of team-mates including Ashley Cole and Steve Sidwell. Out celebrating after the team’s win over Bolton, they were dining at the all-night staple, Vinqt Quatre on Fulham Road.  A photographer waiting outside the restaurant claims the boys blocked him from taking pictures and that his moped got damaged in the process.

Serious stuff, this.

Police were also told by the restaurant staff that the Chelsea boys were rude and rowdy with the staff, and even had a food fight.  Chelsea’s spokesperson, well trained in dealing with matters such as drunk and disorderly behaviour, denied that any of their players were involved in causing criminal damage. 

The photog claims JT offered to pay him if he would destroy a photograph he had taken.  He also says someone pulled the ‘L’ plates off his moped and threw it to the ground. 

We’ve always been suckers for badly behaving boys, especially those who have more money than sense, but aren’t there different stakes at play when you’re the England captain? Should JT be at home swotting up on his knowledge of world capitals rather than getting stonking drunk and abusing learner drivers? Or is this all part of the charm that comes with the baller gig?  Your thoughts Kickettes?

Link: Chelsea Stars in Probe Over Attack