'Player News' Category

Wedding Bells: Joe Cole and Carly Zucker

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We hate her dress sense, but appreciate her low profile and cute bf, so full congratulations to Carly Zucker, now engaged to Chelsea’s Joe Cole.

Joe proposed to Carly at their mansion in Surrey on Friday, and they celebrated Sunday in London.

Let’s break down the deets, shall we?

Estimated Ring Value: £50,000

Length of relationship: Two years

Amount of belly tops worn by Carly in those two years: several thousand

Engagement: after a meal at the Ivy in London, but before playing Oasis on the stereo in celebration. We have to say the Oasis thing would almost make us give back the ring. Almost.

First to hear the news: the two bulldogs the couple share. We’d like to know who reported that inane, trite bit of information in the name of looking “cute” to the tabloids.

Length of engagement: said to be at least six months, with the wedding happening at the end of next year’s season.

Afters: At Brinkley’s bar in Chelsea, where Carly shed a few tears over the realisation at never having to work again, and being married to Joe C for the rest of her life. Celebrations then moved on to Paper in Regent Street where they hooked up with Jermain Defoe who had been having his own engagement party in Hatfield but obviously got bored and decided to hit the town instead.

Excitement level: We’re at zzzz, but may elevate the status of this news to a mildly interested when Carly starts wedding dress shopping.

Link: Ace Joe Pops The Question

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Ashley Parties, Cheryl Says Insane Things

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Last night, Ashley Cole partied the night away at Chinawhite’s in London until 2am.  Is this news?  Perhaps.  Rumour has it that he was with two blonde babes whilst Cheryl was tucked up at home in bed resting before the Girls Aloud tour.

Out on the town with Shaun Wright Phillips, Ashley drank, danced and exchanged witty conversation with the FHM model Kayleigh Pearson and TV presenter Natalie Pike.  Reports say Ashley seemed “embarrassed” when caught leaving the club.  But really, how would you expect him to look? Proud?  He was coming out of Chinawhite.  Has anyone gone to Chinawhite since 1999?  That’s what we’re more concerned about.

Anyhoo, in much more disturbing news, Cheryl Cole is said to have turned down a beaut of a Bentley from Ashley because she says, “I’m no WAG!“. 

Oh boy, where do we start with this one.  First of all Cheryl, you are a WAG, honey. Your husband is a footballer. Deal.  Second of all, were you born in a barn or something? When someone gives you a prezzie, you graciously say thank you, grab the car keys and high tail it to the nail shop to show it off to all of your peeps getting a French mani and a spray tan.  And also: no one cares. 

“I work hard for my money. I don’t ask Ashley for a penny,“ she says.

Link: Ashley Cole Parties With Blonde Stunners
Link: Cheryl ‘I’m No WAG’ Cole Refuses Luxury Car

Just Desserts: Liverpool v Chelsea?

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We’re neither Liverpool nor Chelsea fans, but there’s no two ways about it… Liverpool’s Champion’s League win against the Blues last night was hands down a big ‘ole case of just desserts for Jose bigmouth Mourinho.  In case you missed it, first Jose called Cristiano Ronaldo something along the lines of a ghetto stepchild, then he said that Liverpool was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie cup club. 

We love a man’s right to be an opinionated yakkity spout, but this time it seems many of the Jose haters will be saying “Boo yah!“ or, “In your face, foreigner!“ or something similar. (Personally, we’d go with “payback is a beeyatch, mofo!“, but choose your own expression at will).

Steven Gerrard said “it was one of the best moments of my life.“  Mourinho said: “… in 10 years or so no one will remember that we were the best team and should have won.  All I saw was one team in blue playing without any problems and trying to win the game.“

Link: Mourinho The Deluded One
Link: Jose Re-Opens Ronaldo War

WTF Files: Cheryl Cole Fancies Jose Mourinho

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Cheryl Cole has publicly admitted to having a bit of a jones for her hubby Ashley Cole’s boss, Jose Mourinho.

We just don’t see it. Not in this lifetime anyway, but to each their own.

Cheryl says it’s his arrogance that gives her the vibes.

“He’s definitely got something about him.  He has a presence and a lot of charisma and I think everybody loves a little bit of bad-boy arrogance.  He’s stylish and a little bit older, so yes, I’ve got a twinkle in my eye for him.”

Insert your own: gee, wonder why she fell for Ashley jibe here.  Was it the bad boy arrogance? The style? The overtly masculine name?  You decide.

Link: Cheryl Cole Has The Hots

Property Watch: Neville Neville Land

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Usually Gary Neville flies under the Kickette radar.  Unless he’s doing something related to his best bud, David Beckham, we’re not really that bothered.

Because he’s not good looking.  Just google him, you’ll see.

However, today an exception will be made, because Mr. Neville has impressed the pants off of us. And we’re not even talking about his £80,000 a week salary.

Not only is he building a 12 bedroom mansion in Lancashire with no expenses spared in order to host his upcoming wedding, he’s levelling historic 16th century properties in order to do it. Buh bye old ass relic of history, hello £6 million golf course, stables, cinema and other such necessary goodies.

Neville has nearly 200 builders hard at work on the site to get it ready for his marriage to Emma Hadfield on June 16th – he’s promised to carry her over the threshold of their new home, so they better get their hustle on. The pair will be start the ceremony at Manchester Cathedral before heading to the new diggs, where insiders say James Blunt will be performing. No word on whether ear plugs will be provided.

Link: United Star Builds A Stunning £6 Million Home