'Pre-Season' Category

Midweek Mmm: Dimitar Berbatov


Those ‘hearts’ strategically placed behind Berba’s back weren’t our doing. But we’ll take full credit for them anyway! Image: Getty Images; taken during MUFC’s July 2012 tour.

Take Your Pick: Treatment Table Totty


Gimp walkers, fear not. We still have love for you! Image: CHRISTOF STACHE/AFP/GettyImages.

As we head into one of the more exciting parts of the footie season, let’s take a moment to think of the many players who can only sit injured and frustrated on the sidelines.

From Jack Wilshere to Chris Smalling, through Martin Caceres and Julio Baptista, the list of cuties without a presence on the pitch offers plenty to choose from. Naturally, we’re waiting in the wings ready to don our nurse’s uniforms once we get the go ahead, but rehabilitating the injury-cursed back to health can’t be a one-staff show.

There’s more than enough players in plaster needing your tender love and care to go around – some may even comply with your backless hospital gown requests. So who gets your vote for the hottest hurtie on the treatment table?

Robin van Persie: Once An Adorkable, Now A Red Devil


Image: NBA Photoshops via ESPN.com.

The van Persie family is officially headed north for McMansions and WAG inner circles anew. Not totally sure how Arsenal fans are taking the news, but we’re confident they’ll let the Dutch international know when they travel to Old Trafford on 3 November and again when their former captain returns to Emirates Stadium for the first time as a visitor on 27 April. Our guess is it will take some loudly orchestrated boos from the crowd, pushy shovey action on the pitch and team-wide shirtless exchanges after each match before bygones will be bygones.


Now, let’s try erasing the months of this back and forth transfer saga that took years off our lives and the high sheen gloss off our love for RvP as we wave buh-bye.

The Friday Warm Fuzzies: FC Barcelona


David Villa’s face is our happy place for today. Image: Getty.

New ‘Ballers In Town: Mike Chabala & Aleandro Rosi


Aleandro Rosi, now of Parma FC. You likey? Images: D&G; Marco Luzzani/Getty Images Europe.

Fans of sexy footy players lining up alongside one another, good news: D.C. United’s (newly crowned hottest 2012 MLS All-Star player by our lurvely readers) Chris Pontius will soon be standing well-chiseled shoulder to well-chiseled shoulder with Mike Chabala, whose trade from Portland Timbers was just announced. Mr Chabala stands at an erect 6’0″, is “good for the gays” says Gay4Soccer.com and has previously been lauded around these parts for his wood chopping talents and environmentally friendly fashion forwardness.

Watch this space and get to know Mike a little better, Kickettes.

Intimately if you can.