'Product Shill' Category

Arsenal FC: Balletic Buffoonery

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We would like to offer thanks and possibly cake to Citroen, who have set aside the business of selling cars in their new ad, in order to remind us of the Adorkables and why we should love them.

We defy you to watch this video and be slayed all over again by Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s almost suffocating cuteness and the overwhelming confusion experienced by Sagna and Song as they try to figure out the difference between a plie and an oddly familiar pianist. All this and Wojciech Szczęsny’s delightfully dense derriere too (1:28).

We’re assuming all these features come as standard though, right?

Lazy Links & Randoms

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We injured ourselves yawning this morning, which means that despite a fantastic name and an idiot-proof promise, we won’t be trying the anti-spill beer contraption anytime soon.

Related product shill shiznit: Shayk stripped off for flip flops, Florent Malouda rolled deep to a game of Red Rover, Guti’s girl Romina was hired by Herbal Essences and Cesc drove a PUMA-donated Ferrari to practice (while shooting a commercial, there’s a Formula 1 tie-in there somewhere).

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Neymar: Social Networking Or Notworking?

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A month after Neymar posted his mobile number on Twitter, the Santos player’s services were called upon to launch a new social media network for footie fans. The 20-year-old spokesman wore a backwards cap to Monday’s Palpiteros.com presser in Brazil, which really accentuated the animosity in his stellar ‘bitch, please!’ facial expression.

Neymar also donned a low budget, knockoff beauty pageant sash whilst picking up his product shill paycheque – one that makes us extremely frowny. And we loathe things that make us frowny.

Botox ain’t cheap and money doesn’t grow on trees, ya know.

Pepsi MAX Popstars: Didier Drogba, Sergio Aguero, Fernando Torres, Leo Messi, Frank Lampard & Jack Wilshere

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Click on the photos for extreme close ups of Fernando and Leo’s chin pubes.

Pepsi MAX’s latest commercial features a bunch of hot footballers surfing their way across a crowded arena to a bangin’ soundtrack supplied by the surprisingly cute Calvin Harris.

The players were obviously selected to specifically engage with our own, very niche demographic seeing as Fernando Torres, Sergio Aguero, Frankie Lampard, Didier Drogba, Jack Wilshere and Leo Messi were the boys the carbonated beverage brand chose to feature.

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Stephan El Shaarawy: Go On, Give ‘Em A Squeeze

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Hot, polite boy strokes hot, pink boots.

Our predilections can’t be that weird if major sports companies are tailoring their ad campaigns towards them.