Image: REUTERS/Morris Mac Matzen.
Enough of the cold weather and base layers already. If this was our world, and Grafite was just living in it, all three of our fantasy football team kits would look something more like this.
Decidedly, VfL Wolfsburg has not asked us to weigh in with our creative design juices just yet – but we’re still holding out for the day that abdominally-friendly Grant Wahl takes the FIFA Presidency and strongly encourages them to reconsider.
While we wait for our credentials from the Bundesliga club to be processed, why don’t you all humour these overly optimistic peeps by making some critical third kit decisions that are of sound mind and body? Personally speaking, and we know this will probably not help us win over a few frenemies, our 1D minds have superficially selected trikot 8 as the most optically delusional (and subtly perverse) design.
Rack your brains, Kickettes, then make your call. Remember: Grafite’s obliques and shelf booty deserve the least restrictive (and most sexually suggestive) coverage possible.
We got big thangs poppin’ for this weekend (i.e. clothing sale insurgency) Kickettes, but before we bid adieu, let’s run through this week’s karmic winners and losers.
- Gucci: There are worse clothes horses. Cristiano Ronaldo was seen strolling around the streets of New York this week sporting what could amount to an entire collection. By himself. And they don’t even pay him to be a walking advertisement. Cha-ching!
- Martin Kelly: The only English player on a list of sixty chosen by the cream of European journalists for January’s best of the month. A bonus biscuit for those who can name the club he plays for.
- Fallacy Fighters: Javier “Chicharito” Hernández responded to BBC Top Gear presenters’ ‘gag’ about Mexican people in a mature, grown up manner, that belies his choochy face; Frank Lampard set the record straight about Christine Bleakley’s work ethic, and denied that his girlfriend ever ‘had it easy’ growing up.
Which weekend stories do you need to know about? Find ‘em in our attempt to topline the past two days’ news in two sentence or less.
- In a new advert for the Renault Clio car, NY Red Bulls’ footballer Thierry Henry spied on burlesque babe Dita Von Teese as she took her clothes off. He works hard for the money, we see.
- We told you as soon as our toast was digested about The Sun‘s exclusive story about The Beckhams having a baby girl. Vicky’s keeping mum on the news, but we’re still planning Little Lady Beckham’s potential play dates anyway.
- Marco Materazzi told the hosts of Chiambretti Night that he’s really a nice guy, and hardly a “bad boy” as the Italian press has long wanted us to believe.
Amauri’s hair is always having a bad week. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.
T’was the week that saw the January transfer window slam abruptly shut, but not before you know what (possibly NSFLiverpoolFans).
We hope you enjoy perusing our sum up of this week’s best and worst news – yet another formerly regular feature that’s been dubiously neglected by our fickle HQ.
- Usher: Along with being hired as a private dance teacher for one of David Beckham’s boys, the R&B sensation boosted his footy credentials this week by hosting a “who’s who” crowd of Manchester-based ‘ballers at the MEN arena.
His name is Javier Zanetti, and he is shilling for his clothing line, Navigli Milano.
He has all conquering (according to our readers, anyway) thunder thighs of glory.
And he can sit on a motorbike with more swagger than the Old Spice bloke. Show some respect for his Ken Doll levels of alertness, plastic posture and smize, ya’ll.
Sure, swagger is easier in B&W, but you still got to give it to Pupi. Look, he can also do the highly respected but rarely attempted “torn between two chairs” pose with ease. (left) We bow down to his photo play.
Images via ASA