'Product Shill' Category
Image: Nike via soccerlens.com
As we bask in the full horror** of Cristiano Ronaldo’s ‘exciting’ new Nike ‘Safari’ boots, many thoughts cross our collective and extremely fashion sensitive consciousness. Would anyone be foolish enough to wear these on safari? Actually, would anyone (apart from Ronnie, that is) be foolish to enough to wear them on a football pitch? And why do they bear such an alarming resemblance to these Alaia boots (left), as spotted by one of our eagle eyed staffers on net-a-porter.com?
But, we are the site that goes wherever the story takes us (unless there’s a bar on the way, in which case our arrival at the destination is far from certain), so here we are.
At a publicity event in Madrid last Thursday for baby food brand Blevit, Mikel Arteta’s wifey Lorena Bernal took a seat on the floor as she interacted with the babies and jars of infant mush.
So far, so meh.
However, during her floor work, she accidentally gave the various flashing bulbs in attendance an eye full of her knickers. Which, (as you’ll see below), were white.
Unsurprisingly, the media chose to focus upon this rather than the benefits of feeding Blevit to a growing baby, leaving the lovely Lorena embarrassed and unwilling to complete her media interviews as scheduled.
Feeling brave? Allow your eyes to rest on the gents in the center of this photograph. Take in the pleather and wide arse denim lapels. Enjoy Mirko and Stefano working their 1970s fashion crimes all the way to giving us a blinding migraine.
To be fair, this isn’t a typical night out at the pub for the lads. They’re filming an ad for Sky Italia for the Lazio / Roma derby in November. They’re keeping it g’d up, yo.
Psst, Stefano: we still would.
Well, this is a lesson for those who throw money at footballers to shill their products. Don’t make them wear clothes, as it takes them out of their comfort zone and they end up posing like this. Jazz hands meets the chicken dance with a side of pre-bitch slap positioning.
Actually, we shouldn’t blame Cris. Hell no. Boy is hot. And it’s not his fault the art director told him to assume a baby-holding position. (Lord knows he hasn’t a clue how to do that.) No, we can’t hold this digitally enhanced rain avec warm sunset glow shot on CR. We’ve seen his modeling before, remember? The clothes must take responsibility. His best-in-the-biz body must never be covered.
Yes. Let’s put it on the clothes.
Except for the one flaw in this justification: