'Product Shill' Category

Joe Cole: Taking One For The Team

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It’s unfortunate for Joe Cole that in the month he makes a statement about being in the worst form of his life, this ad (above) featuring him playing amateur five-a-side football is released by Nike.

Why? Well, it seems that the temptation to remark upon the status of his team (Liverpool, currently residing in the second from bottom spot of the EPL) being not entirely dissimilar to a bunch of amateurs has apparently been too much for many commentators. Boo!

We are above such cynicism. We would simply like to state that it is nice to see JC doing what he does best and hope his form picks up soon.

We now feel so superior and supercilious we almost certainly deserve a cream bun.

David Villa: Standing Up to Shirt Stains

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Images: Hola! magazine, Europa Press.

Initially, Iker raised his hand for razors. Because we’d like to envision a certain red-bearded ‘baller turning green with envy at his national teammate’s sexy star power, Xabi Alonso chose to “man up” for moisturizers.

And  now, there’s this: Barcelona’s David Villa and his tough crew of arm-crossed toddlers testing the threshold of their preferred turf stain treatment: Skip detergent.

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Product Shill: Xabi Alonso For Gillette Moisturizer

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The question isn’t whether or not you’ll be buying Gillette moisturizer because of Mr. Xabi Alonso’s pleasant visage. The question is:  how much Gillette moisturizer will you be buying? A carton? A crate? The warehouse?

We may be hardcore SK-II/La Mer/anything-with-promises-of-magic-and-moonbeams-in-a jar beauty product users, but we will leave our brand loyalty behind for you, Xabi. (Also, we will leave behind our jobs, homes, chocolate supplies and semi-significant others. Just say the word.)

PS: the chest hair. Sweet, merciful St. Iker; the chest hair.

Product Shill: Luis Figo and Helen Svedin For Salvini

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Both Luis & Helen recognised that since the ‘Intimately Beckham’ advert, the couple-shilling product bar had been significantly raised. Nevertheless, Helen was startled when the first scene called for head removal. See more at Dona di Bola

Product Shill: Gerard Pique For Time Force Watches

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Pique demonstrates the gargantuan size of chocolate truffles that must be placed outside his home in order to keep Kickette staff distracted long enough for him to exit into a waiting (armed) vehicle.

At Gerard Pique’s press event for Time Force Watches (yes, the same people that brought you Cristiano Ronaldo on a round bed), the Barca defender had the media in the palm of his hand with the following quips:

- “My private life? I take all this very lightly. If I were to ignore the rumors, Zlatan would be very sad.” Cue audience chuckles.

- Confession:  “It is much harder to be a model to play football.”

- When discussing the Time Force advert featuring C-Ron and Elsa Pataky, GP admitted (to much laughter) he wouldn’t mind rolling alongside Cristiano Ronaldo. Take a number, mate.

Catch the video of his conference here.