'Product Shill' Category

Product Shill: Gigi Buffon for PokerStars

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Put it all on black, Gigi! Yeah, we know nothing about poker at all. Image via PokerStars.it.

Product Shill: Jens Lehmann For… His Own Book

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Are sportsmen single-handedly solving the world’s literacy problems? With the amount of books on store shelves penned by footballers, one would think so.

Der Wahnsinn liegt auf dem Platz’ is Jens Lehmann’s attempt at an autobiography, and we have absolutely no idea what the title means or if the pages in between the front and back covers contain words, hieroglyphics or paint by number puzzles.

We snark, but we do love Lehmann’s form of crazy, even if we suspect his book, much like many ‘ballers avec penmenship are just a big ploy to get close to the leading lady of reading, Queen Rania of Jordan.

Good product shill hand positioning, though.

Kickette Catch-Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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Saturday

- Cheryl Cole spoke to more! magazine, and revealed that she trusts “destiny and fate”, but not her hair. Chezza believes a bad hair day equals an all-around pissy day and went as far to say that she won’t leave the house if she’s worried about her hair. (Eds note: Except for this one time.) Head-against-the-wall type of statement to make if we’ve ever heard one.

- In April, Michael Ballack signed on to be the new face of L’Oreal’s Men Expert line, and thankfully we’ve not had to wait long to catch a glimpse of the Chelsea big man (literally – look at his nethers in those jeans) shilling shaving cream.

- Remember the Orlando Bloom dinner on offer at last week’s Arsenal charity dinner? Turns out skipper Cesc Fabregas was that auction’s highest bidder, and is gifting his winning prize to his sister, Carlota. Twenty other players gave £5,000 of their own money to the cause, helping to raise £450,000 at the gala for the Greater Ormond Street Children’s Hospital.

British WAGs- Who knew Nicola T. and Helen F. were such good mates? The Corrie star, and girlfriend of Wigan’s Scott Sinclair, was seen out wearing a t-shirt from her fellow WAG’s clothing range, Delicious Couture.

- Sthefany Brito may have realised the untimely error of her prenup ways as she’s seeking monthly spousal support from Pato to the tune of €50,000. Monthly. As in, every 30 days. Sthef argues that she had to “give up her career” for the marriage; however, Pato’s lawyer, speaking on his behalf, is said to be fighting the fee since “seven months of marriage does not ruin a career”. Hmm. Whose side to take?

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Product Shill: Everyone For Everything

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You know it’s nearly World Cup time when players are being pushed out in front of all the world’s media bulbs for the sake of national pride and publicity. Whether it’s for marketers, charity or themselves, much has changed since the ’06 landscape. Such as the slew of savvy photographers who happen to capture moments like Craig Moore relaxing on a private yacht in the Sydney Harbour for the Socceroos Nike kit launch.

But we don’t have to tell you that.

Here’s a quick summary of other product shills goin’ on around the globe featuring a host of current and retired players:

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Bundesliga ‘Ballers: What Their Scents Say About You

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Would you rather have Victoria Beckham’s high profile music/fashion career or Daniela Cannavaro’s suburban life? Do you exfoliate with finely coarse crystals found only in the Dead Sea or with the help of your random hook-up’s stubble? Or, do you just really enjoy high street shopping like the rest of us normal gals?

The journey to true self-knowledge can be tricky. Luckily, all of life’s questions have been answered, thanks to Hugo Boss. Serdar Tasci, Lukas Podolski and Mario Gomez are modeling the brand’s newest colognes – and judging by these shots/poses, we believe an opportunity for answers has presented itself.

Without much explanation, just choose the statement that best describes you, before reading on to get your Kickette personality quiz results:

A) You are attracted to men with big dreams and equally big bank accounts. You pronounce the major name brands incorrectly – Channel, Gucki and Louis Vootin – without respite. You have difficulty computing fractions but can correctly guesstimate how much a car home will cost early Tuesday morning, during peak commuter traffic times. In your free time, you enjoy having a chocatini with a hot guy you just met at the bar. (The same bar you were frequenting with the hopes that a ‘baller would drive by.) You never understand why the counter clerk at Boots affectionately refers to you as “Plan B” girl, but you smile and nod anyway.

B) When you travel, you never leave home without your Hello Kitty journal. You are unrelenting in the pursuit of your life goals, no matter how far out of reach/out of touch with reality they/you are. So much so that whilst growing up,your mother repeated told you how “special” you were. Regardless of your mean streak, you’re also a bit nerdy and would describe your “perfect” Saturday as spending time in the park drawing. Which is weird.

C) You can be soft-spoken in Hello, but your will to sell those damn baby pics is strong. A natural glamour-puss, your life’s motto is “pain is beauty.” Hence, the whole your-tits-don’t-move situ. Your hate losing to your fellow first-teamer’s other halves, which is why you’d be a shoe-in for Survivor: The Underbelly of the WAG World. No matter how many times the public voted you out, your acrylic claws would find you a way back to that £1 million prize. In turn, you’d spend your winnings decorating the walls of your McMansion with “Domestic Goddess At Work” signs. Which you’d chortle at each time you made your way to the private screening room via the glass-encased elevator.

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