Though it sounds like absolute bollocks to us, the retired footballer’s lawyer is arguing Mikey can’t pay his recent speeding ticket because he (paraphrasing here) has no income and just finished his football career.
Newsflash: irrefutable evidence suggests that it takes only takes a footballer one thing to capture a woman’s attention and that is money. So while Mr Ballack’s excuse is inexplicably pitiful, we can only wish him the best of luck the next time he goes on the pull.
Belgian international footballer, Jonathan Legear, said he was “only slightly” over the drink-drive limit when he and his car crashed through the glass doors of a petrol station store, ramming through several stalls of food and drinks along the way.
We’re going to need a more precise definition of “only slightly” when Jonathan gets a second.
A note of well wishes before we begin: Francesco Totti turned 36 last week. The patron saint of Speedos is a Libra: “Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work.”
Last week, beyond-wealthy-beyond-hairpieces Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich, won a high court action against his Russian oligarch rival, Boris Berezovsky, over a disputed £3bn debt. An infiinite number of accusations were lodged against Mr Abramovich, the most entertainingly petty one was that he often frequented Pret A Manger alone at lunchtime so he could eat a hummus wrap and a £1 carrot cake in peace.
Oh, Roman. As a loyal patron of Pret you should obviously know that, when faced with a difficult dessert decision, logic always suggests choosing a love bar over a carrot cake slice.