'Property Watch' Category

Celtic FC, Snoop & Neil Lennon: Party People

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Snoop Lion is weighing up the possibility of buying “enough of a percentage” to get himself on the Celtic board so he can be “heard,” he told the Daily Record last week.

Some will dismiss this as manufactured publicity, but ’tis a real possibility, Kickettes.

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Lies Footballers Think It’s Perfectly Acceptable To Tell Files: Michael Ballack

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retired footballer can't pay speeding car ticket spain

Though it sounds like absolute bollocks to us, the retired footballer’s lawyer is arguing Mikey can’t pay his recent speeding ticket because he (paraphrasing here) has no income and just finished his football career.

“Just because he is a famous footballer doesn’t mean he has any money coming in,” said Ballack’s attorney in defense of his apparent inability to pay a fine of £8,000.

Newsflash: irrefutable evidence suggests that it takes only takes a footballer one thing to capture a woman’s attention and that is money. So while Mr Ballack’s excuse is inexplicably pitiful, we can only wish him the best of luck the next time he goes on the pull.

Because inevitably he’ll try, and will deffo fail miserably.

Jonathan Legear Crashes His Porsche Into A Petrol Station Store, Injures One Customer

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Belgian international footballer, Jonathan Legear, said he was “only slightly” over the drink-drive limit when he and his car crashed through the glass doors of a petrol station store, ramming through several stalls of food and drinks along the way.

We’re going to need a more precise definition of “only slightly” when Jonathan gets a second.

Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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A note of well wishes before we begin: Francesco Totti turned 36 last week. The patron saint of Speedos is a Libra: “Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work.”

Well that’s a shame. Happy belated though!

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Roman Abramovich: Cash, Cakes & Slices

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Image: Gavin Rodgers/AP.

Last week, beyond-wealthy-beyond-hairpieces Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich, won a high court action against his Russian oligarch rival, Boris Berezovsky, over a disputed £3bn debt. An infiinite number of accusations were lodged against Mr Abramovich, the most entertainingly petty one was that he often frequented Pret A Manger alone at lunchtime so he could eat a hummus wrap and a £1 carrot cake in peace.

Oh, Roman. As a loyal patron of Pret you should obviously know that, when faced with a difficult dessert decision, logic always suggests choosing a love bar over a carrot cake slice.

Obviously.