If we were this close to David Villa, we like to think we would maintain an image of calm serenity whilst looking hot as hell and surreptitiously passing him our contact deets.

However. We suspect that our true response would be rather more like that of our friends at Hola Valencia. They’re just honest enough to admit it. Dammit.
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Speaking of getting close to players, we have to say we rather like the new scheme Kansas Wizards have implemented to ensure their players and staff get to know each other intimately.

In the hope it catches on, we have submitted our applications and hope to be hearing from the Real Madrid ground staff department in due course.
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Prior to Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge clash with Inter this evening, Jose Mourinho has maintained a characteristic silence. Yeah, right. The man is a master at the veiled insult. We’re so in his thrall.
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Slightly less subtle in his methods is Valladolid’s Cesar Arzo. We know Guti is capable of some quite spectacular fashion offences, but this is hardly warranted, now is it?
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Sartorial choices weren’t high on the agenda at Theo Walcott’s birthday party either, although we are not aware of any similar grabbings. We won’t critique, it’s just too easy. Suffice to say, if you’re going to wear those trousers, Gareth Bale, please ensure you’re standing at a safe distance when Theo blows out his candles.
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However. Things used to be worse. A great deal worse. We advise that you do not, under any circumstances, click on the Gazza clip. Just don’t.
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Bad week for Phil Brown, formerly of Hull City. We get the impression that the guys at WAATP are not saddened by this development. You?
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And really, really bad week for us. We’ve just got over the whole Iker/Carbonero are they/aren’t they thing and now this happens. Emotional outlook: overwrought.
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And finally, props to Ciacha.net who have very kindly supplied some pictures of Gonzalo Higuain in various states of undress (just to cheer us up). Please enjoy and remember: We are Kickette and we do it. So you don’t have to.