The title race is heating up across several of the domestic leagues, which means so should our Man Candy detectors.
Except they’re not.
Seems they’re having a bit of technical difficulty picking up on their targets, if you know what we mean.
Don’t feel bad that you missed all the transfer news because you’re such important people. We, too, were engaged in frantic busy work (sleeping, shopping, drinking or a horrifying and painful combination of all three) when the window slammed shut at 23.00(GMT) on 31st January, and subsequently missed debuts, goals and probably the elevation of one or two people to ‘club legend’ status.
Here’s a quickie round-up of the most notable moves. There weren’t many.
If someone else is going to go to the trouble of picking out and rewarding their favourite Serie A players, it would be remiss of us not to use the photo opportunity for a random post.
Last week was the Gran Gala’ del calcio, an awards ceremony where the great and the good of Italian football (players, coaches, journos) vote on categories such as Player of the Year, Manager of the Year and of course, the highly competitive Dodgy ‘Do of the Year.**
It’s a given that we’re less interested in the awards than what the players looked like.
How cool would it be if there was a superhero whose job it was to pursue footballers and pull their shorts down for the benefit of watching?!
Well, fantasise no more, people. Juve’s Fabio Quagliarella is here and he’s going to rescue us from the horror of thigh-free week days.
Praise San Iker.
We’re not going to get wrapped in the complexities of the newly founded Premier League Soccer tournament in India for two reasons.
We don’t imagine you’ll be massively interested in a bunch of semi-retired footballers selling their services to the highest bidder so they can run round a pitch in India for seven weeks.
We know you and you’re as fickle as we are.
Tattooist Leo Millares (above left) is a man who spends too much time with his hands on footballer flesh for our liking. His latest work, posted on Twitter before the ink had even dried, is a set of replica pooch prints on the tummies of Guti and his lady love Romina Belluscio. The dog in question, Bella, is reportedly a joint acquisition which indicates a relationship status almost as serious as Guti’s beard.
Cute or corny, Kickettes? Or so low down on your list of priorities you’ve actually scrolled over the story and we’re talking to ourselves now?
Would you would live happily ever after if you could have Gareth Bale’s heaving, sweaty abdominal muscles in your line of sight for just a few seconds? Pinky swear?
Well, thanks to our honorary intern and supreme short tent stalker, Blake, now you can.
The lesson for today? Gareth knows a naughty word and your pinky swears are as worthless as ours.
We were looking forward to dusting off our radical feminist costumes and having a good old bitch when we found out that Brazilian side Brasiliense FC had been pushing soft porn on their club website in a bid to boost site traffic.
Alright. We were halfway into them and sharpening our claws on the office scratching post before we remembered that in our daily work, we frequently lead a post with a picture of an athlete in a state of partial undress or worse, in a state of escalating excitement, with the specific intention of encouraging our readers to perv on him.
Our costumes have been returned to the broom cupboard and if it’s okay with you guys, we’ll say no more about it. Alright?
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