'Randoms' Category

Bundesliga ‘Ballers: What Their Scents Say About You

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Would you rather have Victoria Beckham’s high profile music/fashion career or Daniela Cannavaro’s suburban life? Do you exfoliate with finely coarse crystals found only in the Dead Sea or with the help of your random hook-up’s stubble? Or, do you just really enjoy high street shopping like the rest of us normal gals?

The journey to true self-knowledge can be tricky. Luckily, all of life’s questions have been answered, thanks to Hugo Boss. Serdar Tasci, Lukas Podolski and Mario Gomez are modeling the brand’s newest colognes – and judging by these shots/poses, we believe an opportunity for answers has presented itself.

Without much explanation, just choose the statement that best describes you, before reading on to get your Kickette personality quiz results:

A) You are attracted to men with big dreams and equally big bank accounts. You pronounce the major name brands incorrectly – Channel, Gucki and Louis Vootin – without respite. You have difficulty computing fractions but can correctly guesstimate how much a car home will cost early Tuesday morning, during peak commuter traffic times. In your free time, you enjoy having a chocatini with a hot guy you just met at the bar. (The same bar you were frequenting with the hopes that a ‘baller would drive by.) You never understand why the counter clerk at Boots affectionately refers to you as “Plan B” girl, but you smile and nod anyway.

B) When you travel, you never leave home without your Hello Kitty journal. You are unrelenting in the pursuit of your life goals, no matter how far out of reach/out of touch with reality they/you are. So much so that whilst growing up,your mother repeated told you how “special” you were. Regardless of your mean streak, you’re also a bit nerdy and would describe your “perfect” Saturday as spending time in the park drawing. Which is weird.

C) You can be soft-spoken in Hello, but your will to sell those damn baby pics is strong. A natural glamour-puss, your life’s motto is “pain is beauty.” Hence, the whole your-tits-don’t-move situ. Your hate losing to your fellow first-teamer’s other halves, which is why you’d be a shoe-in for Survivor: The Underbelly of the WAG World. No matter how many times the public voted you out, your acrylic claws would find you a way back to that £1 million prize. In turn, you’d spend your winnings decorating the walls of your McMansion with “Domestic Goddess At Work” signs. Which you’d chortle at each time you made your way to the private screening room via the glass-encased elevator.

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Lazy Links & Randoms

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You may have noticed we’ve been a little man-flesh heavy recently. While this isn’t necessarily a problem, an overdose of anything is bad for one’s health so we rather generously thought we would refresh your palates with some WAG goss.

Above, you will see Abbey Clancy shopping. For discount carpet. This is odd, but we’re prepared to overlook it on the grounds that it’s a relief to see a WAG doing something she is meant to be doing. Lately we have noticed an unnerving trend of WAG’s expending effort. Like real, proper effort. Marathon running, water skiing, competitive ballroom dancing. All worthy pursuits, we’re sure, but we hadn’t exactly factored this into our life plan. We were working the ‘get the man, get the car, get the house, get the ring, get all the handbags in the fugging world’ angle. Now we have to learn running too?

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Matthew McConaughey: Team Brazil

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Questioning whether posting a photo of actor Matt McConaughey in a Brazil footy shirt is news? So were we.

But then we figured, 1. It’s close enough to Friday that our standards for news reporting can go out the window; and in any case: 2. You know you would. You would toss that beer bong aside and deal with the hemp sandals later.

5 Reasons Why German Men Are Better Than Nutella

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Nutella is the stuff study abroad dreams are made of – as long as you can stave off the inevitable stone and a half in weight gain. And even though we sought homesickness solace from our 3 kilo novelty jar, not being able to speak the language taught us that there is only one thing better than the chocolately treat.

German men. Or, more specifically, German footballers.

As far as we can tell, Germans don’t contain hazelnuts. But they do give good hugs and can teach any foreign exchange student the native tongue (hee). Don’t believe us? Hear us out…and read on for our reasons why Germans > Nutella.

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Kickette Catch-Up: Weekend Cheat Sheet

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Saturday

- Elen is back! After her Tesco’s undie shoots failed to woo Frank, Ms. Rives has stepped up her game and will be appearing on ITV’s, Marco’s Kitchen Burnout. Other Z-list contestants include fellow failed-WAG Nancy Dell’Olio. Elen has mentioned that she’s been skinning rabbits from an early age and revealed the inner workings of her mental chambers as she cited a vital reason why she joined the show: ‘it would be great if it led to a new career.’ At least she’s honest. Set your dvd recorders for Friday at 9pm, this is not to be missed!

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