'Randoms' Category

Bad Bathers: Scott Parker & Jamie Redknapp


image: Splash news/KEYSTONE press

West Ham’s Scott Parker has been relaxing in the Caribbean with his family whilst recuperating from a knee injury. He’s also suffering from a terrible case of Bad Bathers, a serious disease that can dangerously strike simple and plain fabrics without warning. One can only assume the matching father/son trunks were a gift from a well-meaning yet intoxicated in-law or a random crazy employed by the hotel lobby swimsuit shop.

Jamie and Louise Redknapp are also getting their sun/swim/sea hook up and have been papped hanging out with the Parkers in typical no-news-because-we’re-normal style.

Question: can anyone explain why when Jamie Redknapp wears a pair of flower-print Bermuda shorts we have no severe nor damaging physical reactions (he is quite nummy as per usual), but Alan Shearer’s version leaves us hive-stricken? Click through to view, download, discuss, etc.


image:Splash news/KEYSTONE press

Style Files: Getting Cozy


Can anyone shed some light on the appeal of the tea cozy hat?


Please understand, we would never hate on an actual tea cozy – they are integral to our daily survival. Plus we love the idea of keeping a tea pot warm and cozy – it’s cute and twee.  We may be sentimental tea-geeks when it comes to the original use of this item, but we are not remotely sympathetic to its rebirth as a popular head adornment. 

Ever since Freddie Ljungberg debuted the look – and Becks made it a staple in his wardrobe, we’ve never quite understood the appeal.  Even our half-love Gigsy was recently spotted in a cable-knit mocha flavoured one. Britain is cold, damp and full of weather misery, sure, but are these necessary?

We acquiesce on one thing: Ryan Giggs does redeem his hat choices somewhat with the snuggly bubba.


Randoms: Angries, Oldies and Undies


imageJoey Barton’s therapist says he is in for a whole ‘lotta brain re-programming.  His flashing-ass is now under the care of the Sporting Chance Clinic in Hampshire, which treats sportspeople with behavioural problems.

For those not in the know, Joey plays for Newcastle United and he got himself into some sort of beat-down situ outside a McDonalds – a little jail time resulted. Please note, this was not the first fists-meet-face incident he has been in. 

Mr. B is a bad boy, no doubt, but bad-boy “good”, or bad-boy “you’re a jackass”? You can guess where we stand.

Side note to the Newcastle coaching situation and the various names being thrown around for the open job: we are so over Alan Shearer. Not that we were ever anywhere near being under him, but this pic of Shearer and his old cronie mates in the Caribbean makes our teeth itch.  Is it the combined age of 700, or the swimming trunks that gives us the icks? We may never know.

image courtesy of Splash news/KEYSTONE press

Media call: Anyone in the UK, aged 20-30 interested in doing a (paid) story with a well known, high-circulation tabloid newspaper magazine? We were contacted by a journalist looking for WAGs, ex-WAGs, regular gals and in-betweens, who meet a specific criteria – see below.  If you’re up for it, drop us a line asap (via the contact us page) and we’ll forward your details on. 

If you used to be a real ‘girl about town’ and live the a high profile life with a high profile partner (footy or otherwise), but have since settled down and now live the simple life miles away from the party scene, or are perhaps running your own business now;
or, if you’re still living the party lifestyle but are starting to get bored of it and find it quite empty, but are addicted to the status of it all.

Note: this isn’t in any way affiliated with Kickette – we’re just the messengers. As such, we promise not to pester, mock nor stalk you if you parlay your tabloid story into a well-paid stint on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. 

imageA group of ballers have set up an initiative called A Star to help disadvantaged youths catch a break and get some appreciation for their skills with the goal of opening up ways into employment through sport and other creative activities.

Fitz Hall (who just signed with Queens Park Rangers from Wigan) is the main man behind the venture, and he’s pulled in England strikers Andy Johnson and Emile Heskey who are all doing the “A” sign when they score a goal.  Be charitable, and learn about the cause here. Our secret guilty pleasure is watching the numerous naff, controversial and cornball goal celebrations of our favourite ballers, so it’s nice to know this one comes with a good story.

Okay, we’re done with being 1% generous and somewhat thoughtful and non-snarky. That’s like, so 2007.  Now on with the photos of Becks in his briefs. Much better.

One Liners & Lazy Links


imageFrom the hell no files: Coleen McLoughlin is buying a £4k flotation tank. Also, Wayne gave her an £80,000 Range Rover for Christmas. Oh, wait, and apparently Ms McL was the highest earning WAG of 2007 – netting £15 million. In your face, peasants!

Not to be outdone, Brooklyn Beckham – who is 8 years old – got an iPhone for Christmas.

Charlotte Meares is getting one back on Danielle Lloyd, via the cult of Facebook.

Speaking of Ms Lloyd, she’s still loved up and rolling in the cash prizes from Jermain Defoe, like a £20,000 watch. Skanking it up really does pay dividends.

Steven Gerrard is stepping up security for his home after last year’s robbery. A crew of hard-ass former SAS soldiers will be guarding his family’s house from now on.

imageLatest in the Cristiano line of rumoured gal-pals/girlfriends/gold-diggers: 19 year old Carolina Patrocinio. The Portuguese media is reporting that her and Cristiano are now an item. Really? It’s over between him and whats-her-name?

Definitely one for the WTF files: David Beckham’s recent quote about his trust levels with his friends, one of them being his best mate, Gary Neville. ‘They are the three [mates] that I would trust with my wife naked,’ said the LA Galaxy star. ‘That’s how good they are as friends.’

Photo Call: Liverpool FC’s Holiday Party


Perhaps you’re wondering why we’ve yet to put up the photos of the Liverpool “80s themed” Christmas party. 

That’s because they don’t exist.  We’ve been dealing with the disappointment by learning Photoshop so we can super-impose a pair of silver glitter leg warmers on Xabi Alonso and give Stephen Gerrard a cute chin dimple with a side of shoulder pads.

images courtesy: Splash News/KEYSTONE Press

Instead of the glorious 80s decade, the Liverpool party theme seems to have been “safe and boring and slightly unattractive”. 

The shindig was held in Liverpool at Circo in the Albert Docks and we’ve attached a few images for your viewing displeasure.  If you’re short on time and/or attention span, just click through to Fernando Torres’ lavender jumper. If you squint hard enough, you can almost pretend he’s wearing a studded tie-dyed string vest.